Ethan was so bored. He slowly walked all the way out to an open-air corridor before Ye Muo came back.
Ye Muo soon appeared, his cloak billowing out from behind him like the wings of a happy little bird.
He slammed right into Ethan’s chest. “Ambrose said it was okay, but you’re not allowed to go to the frontlines.”
Ethan didn’t think of this when he proposed the idea. He became grumpy again, but soon convinced himself otherwise. The frontlines weren’t solely a battlefield against the insects anymore, now other humans had joined the fray.
The sight of dismembered limbs and broken steel everywhere was a common sight afterwards.
A sheltered child like Ye Muo would probably be inconsolable after seeing something like that. Ethan wasn’t just a bachelor like the others anymore, he had to think more with a child in tow.
Ethan tended to wear his heart on his sleeve, so Ye Muo saw him scowl one moment and cheer up the next.
Ethan sensed his gaze. “What is it?”
Ye Muo gave it some thought before voicing an honest question, “How can you cheer up all of a sudden?”
Ethan raised an eyebrow and reached for his sword. “Is something upsetting you?”
He seemed ready to go carve up a few insects the next second.
Ye Muo was cautious with his words, “I just want to know how to self-regulate.”
“What a strange question. Why don’t you just deal with whatever’s upsetting you right away? Even Casper and Rika, those two rapscallions, wouldn’t go to bed angry. They would fight it out the day of and determine a victor then.”
Ethan never overthought anything. He was a man who dealt in the present.
The future was for Ambrose to worry about, and Ethan would even go as far as to entrust his own life to him. If Ambrose planned out a happy future for him, then he would be happy. If Ethan had to die, then he would gladly accept that too.
“But aren’t there a lot of things to worry about right now? Do we have enough combat power? Can we hold this planet? Is everyone going to be alright–”
Ethan patted Ye Muo’s cheeks with some dissatisfaction. “Why are you worrying so much? Ambrose will take care of all that.”
Ye Muo was like a child who wanted to contribute his allowance after being told money was tight at home. “But still…”
“Even Ambrose, who’s taking care of all this, isn’t as worried as you are. Is that all you’ve been thinking about these days? Here I thought you were unhappy because Ambrose wouldn’t let you go out.”
He seemed to hit the nail on the head. Ye Muo stopped concealing his emotions. His anxiety was clear to see now.
Theodore easily hopped onto a nearby railing and intently watched Ye Muo.
That was what he always did at times like this. His data may fluctuate occasionally, but Theodore wasn’t sure what emotion this was. His Xavier was as safe as can be, clean and provided with enough food and water. His plans were also making headway. He promised to take Ye Muo home, but he knew from earlier attempts that reporting the data to Xavier wasn’t enough to reassure him.
It was Ye Muo’s anxiety that taught him the concept of being anxious.
Yet Theodore still only knew to watch. It was as if he returned to those times long ago. Sometimes he even considered his physical form unwieldy and couldn’t understand why he wanted one in the first place. The current Xavier didn’t need his protection. He was no longer that child who could only helplessly suffer at the whims of his berserk psychic power. He was a force to be reckoned surrounded by reliable elders who would never let him waste away into such a state.
There was no longer a need for Theodore to maintain a physical form. It was faster to move around in the digital world, easier to get things done as well.
Then, Theodore watched at Ethan leaned over and gave Ye Muo a hug.
Ye Muo stilled for a moment before slowly relaxing.
Theodore was fixed in place, his irises brightening due to a violent surge of data fluctuations he did not care to address.
So that was the use of a body.
He didn’t have the physical prowess of the Grantz, but one’s body was not only used to fight.
Even now, Theodore was plagued by regret that he lacked a physical form back then, one with which to reach out to Ye Muo and actually help him.
But there was more. He also regretted not being able to do anything in the end, when Ye Muo lay there, unable to move. He couldn’t help him, save him, even hug him.
If he could at least embrace him, would his Xavier’s expression have been even the slightest bit less afraid?
The white cat nimbly hopped off the windowsill, diving into the ground like it was water. He re-emerged in human form in one fluid motion.
Theodore plunged into the space Ethan had just vacated with such force that Ye Muo was forced back a step. “What’s wrong, Theodore?”
Theodore held him for the longest time. “I just thought I should hug you.”
He learned the value of an embrace.
Ethan scoffed before sliding down to a seated position against the railing. Ye Muo soon sat down beside him. Theodore sat down right next to Ye Muo’s other side.
Ethan looked at Ye Muo and pushed his forehead back with one finger like he was at a loss. “Why would you think so much? You’re a Grantz, ah.”
Ye Muo bristled. “So Grantz can’t be afraid or think too much? I’m also always worried when you’ll–”
He swallowed the rest of his words.
But Ethan was already grinning. “So that little head of yours is filled will all these worries every day?”
“Is yours not?”
“No, I’ve only ever worried about you.”
Ye Muo wordlessly pushed back against his finger in a silent show of protest like a stubborn little calf.
“I’ve never even thought about these things before.” Ethan calmly admitted.
After Ye Muo showed a bit of pride, he added, “That was a lie, by the way.
“
Ye Muo started glaring at him again.
The way Ethan looked at him could almost be considered gentle. Even Grantz worried, if only for a moment.
Perhaps due to the frequent exchanges of psychic power and thoughts on the battlefield, they knew each other well enough. The frequent battles and life-or-death situations they found themselves in meant there was never much time to give it much thought.
But even they were helpless in the face of death.
Ethan thought about how best to answer such a solemn, delicate subject.
“Have you been worried about me dying? I’m happy to hear that, but you need to get your priorities straight.”
Ye Muo seemed to be infected by his serious tone and watched him intently.
Ethan met his gaze head on. “Your own life is the most important.”
Ye Muo didn’t move, didn’t even blink.
Ethan understood. He continued, “For example, if you had to choose one of us to die right now, who would you pick? Explain your reasoning.”
“Ethan, of course. You’re stronger and more valuable.”
“Selfish Xavier…are you truly unaware of your own value? Of course not. You only think it would be more painful for you if I died instead of you.”
“And I’m the same way.” He said almost in a sigh.
“Now that you know this, I’m going to give you another chance. Will you still choose to make me suffer?”
Ye Muo didn’t respond. He just avoided Ethan’s gaze like a helpless, wounded little beast.
It was a long beat before Ethan spoke in a gentle tone, “Lives aren’t things that can be weighed against one another, so the question was moot to begin with.”
But his tone soon turned harsh, “Death will catch all of us off guard one day. No matter what you’re afraid of, your death, the deaths of your loved ones, they will come in time. Why spend your life, your time worrying when it’ll happen?”
“I-it’s not like I want to, but–”
“No, it’s alright for you to think about it.”
Ethan stood up. He faced Ye Muo with the open sky behind him. A strong wind blew his hair into disarray, as if he could take flight at any second.
“But you can think about mine a little less.”
Even though he was happy to hear Ye Muo thought about him.
“The meaning of life is contextualized in the present. Even if I may die tomorrow, I’ll still admire tonight’s sunset. I’ll live each and every moment doing things that make me happy. This way, no matter when I die, I can go knowing I have no regrets. You don’t have to mourn me either, but I give you permission to feel down for a while.”
Ye Muo stared at Ethan, his mouth slightly agape. He opened and closed his mouth silently a few times.
A thought suddenly came to mind. He wanted to live like that to, so he could die without regrets or grudges.
A pair of arms wrapped around him. Theodore forcefully hugged him from the side. It tickled where his hair brushed against Ye Muo’s neck and collarbone.
The originally heavy atmosphere lifted slightly. “What’s wrong, Theodore?”
“I’m not sure. I just felt like I should hug you right now.”
……
Meanwhile, Ano was already touching down on the repair planet. He set his sights on an intact warship parked on base as soon as he landed. There was no harm in checking if it could be controlled using psychic power. Surely there had to be one ship, however ancient, that worked like that, right? At the very least, he could connect to the galactic network and collect some intel.
He called out to Norton over his shoulder, “Big Brother.”
Norton nodded, giving permission. Ano’s anxiety eased a fraction. They would immediately continue their search for Ye Muo.
He turned around. No one moved for a moment. Then, two seconds later, he turned back just in time to meet Norton’s eyes.
Even without exchanging info using psychic power, Ano understood. They were both waiting for the other to forcibly take control of the ship using psychic power.
The two, who had never held back when it came to using psychic power, tacitly broke eye contact and stared at the ship and the floor respectively.
Ano’s thoughts started running wild again now that there was some downtime.
This was their first time in such a sorry state. Bert would probably laugh them to the grave if he found out.
Alas, they would just have to wait and revisit the matter after recovering for a bit.
He wondered where Ye Muo was, and if his belly was full. Would he cry now that he was all alone?
Author’s Corner
I want to ramble a bit (even though I don’t know if anyone’s still reading). TL;DR – I’m determined to turn over a new leaf and gradually resume daily updates. It may take some time, but things will pick up. I just have to think it through and get in the right frame of mind.
Now for some unnecessary rambling.
I’m deeply sorry to all of you and Little Muo. I always try to avoid my problems and fall victim to my emotions. I may just be unlucky, but it feels like writing is like fortune telling to me. Every time I write something or gain something, life has a way of noticing and taking something away from me, making it all more painful.
I’ve thought before about just abandoning writing, because for some reason it felt like I could only write when under more and more pain. However, it soon reaches the point where I’m in too much pain to do anything and everything becomes a mess.
I’m only happy when reading reviews, but I didn’t dare to even do that once my writing started slacking and writer’s block struck. As a result, my motivation just isn’t there.
However, after slowing down, I realized I still really want to write.
At the end of the day, it’s just life treating me badly, me crying and making a fuss, then sobbing out that I want to keep trying, to keep writing.
And now to end things off with some good news. Life’s been a little better lately. My health is still recovering but my mental health is there. The future is still very scary for me, I might have a breakdown still. I try my best not to think about it.
I haven’t been running away lately. I’ve been thinking hard about Little Muo.
I think I may have improved. Re-reading what I wrote before, I can see obvious areas of improvement that are too childish, too stiff or too contrived. Then I start feeling embarrassed. I also feel like some parts are really good, to the point where I praise myself for coming up with it a little narcissistically.
The flaws are evident, but I feel like I can do much more. I hope I can give you a satisfactory ending, Little Muo.
Also kneeling for giving everyone a bad reading experience.
Once this novel is finished, I hope everyone can feel like: ‘wow, that was a good, complete story’. I think I’ll be very happy then. Then, I will be the happiest and feel the most accomplished.
I don’t dare to look at the comments lately. See you once the novel’s done. Kneeling.jpg
Wow. Jinjiang1Site where novel is published has become so high-tech. Typos appear directly on my writing page. I can accept typos. There are also cute emojis.
It’s all because I stopped updating for so long. Kneeling again 😭
Rain
The next 21 chapters are Chinese New Year bonuses of a what-if scenario if Ye Muo from the original timeline was rescued from Arachnid early by the Grantz. The author tagged it ‘skippable’ so come back at c467 for main story continuation.
