Chapter 15

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Xiao Zhongnan’s feelings for me were probably only a little bit more than his feelings towards strangers. Considering the passion we shared that night in the inn, he naturally wouldn’t be too happy if he came to find me as soon as his illness acted up. To curb this phenomenon, the only way is to restrain him and take away his freedom.

He had no one else to entrust himself to, so in the end, I was the one who had to tie him to the bed with a rope every night before going to bed. Also, because of the looming fear of one day being fucked to death by him, I had to agree.

“Is this all right?” I adjusted the tightness of the rope and asked him.

He tested it and said, “Tighten it a bit more.”

I nodded and tightened the rope a bit more.

Although he and I were not that intimate before, after that unpleasant early morning, we seemed even less intimate. We simply had become estranged.

After I tied him up, I clapped my hands and prepared to leave. “Okay, then I’ll take my leave, Castle Master Xiao.”

His limbs were tied to the bedpost in a “大” shape. After hearing what I said, he turned his head and looked at me for a while, as if he was hesitant to speak. I saw that he still has something to say, so I didn’t move.

Ultimately, he said stiffly, “Thank you.”

I pursed my lips and smiled perfunctorily. “The Castle Master is polite.” After saying this, I turned around and left without looking back.

Since Xiao Zhongnan doesn’t want me to take care of him, then I won’t do anything unnecessary and let him manage himself. I’m not his person anyway, what does it have to do with me whether he’s dead or alive?

However, even if I thought about it like this, I would still unconsciously prick my ears up and listen attentively to the room next door in the quiet of every night to see if his illness was acting up again.

I felt so helpless for myself like this; it was just too disappointing!

Xiao Zhongnan was quiet. His courtyard was located in the most secluded corner of Black Hawk Castle, and there were usually not many people in mine. On weekdays, I peacefully stayed in my own small courtyard. When I would get really bored, I would walk around the area, and my days quickly passed. This peace wasn’t easy for me to obtain, so I cherished it even more.

Three months went by like this, and I lived in harmony with everyone in Black Hawk Castle. Sometimes Cheng Xiaoyu would come find me. He’s a son of a butler, very young and different from ordinary servants and disciples and he was always sincere and a bit innocent and unaffected. I always say that I would beat him if he bothers me, but honestly speaking, I actually like him coming to find me.

“There’s a library in the southern section, have you been there?” He asked me as he chewed on cucumbers.

The early spring weather was pleasant without the winter cold, so I moved the bamboo chaise lounge out to the patio. I was lying on the chaise lounge with my eyes closed, feeling the warm sunlight shining on my body. It was comfortable, and I was getting drowsy.

I was going to fall asleep, but when I heard that there was a library, I became interested. I opened my eyes to look at the other person. “Are there a lot of books?”

He exaggeratedly gestured a big circle. “Lots and lots, enough to bury me entirely!”

I thought about it. “Then, when shall I go and see?”

I ate and slept here all day. Although this life was what I had dreamed of before, it was sometimes boring. It would be good to find a few books to pass the time, and maybe I can find a few medical books too… Realizing what I was thinking, I frowned and even slapped myself a few times.

What am I thinking of, looking for medical books? Will anyone appreciate it? He told me not to care about his business anymore, what am I doing trying to shower affection on an uninterested party?

I don’t understand. I am a former sect master of the demon sect, where could so much kindness come from?

“Did you fall out of favor?” The kid stared at me and suddenly said something astonishing.

I didn’t hear him clearly. “What did you say?”

He bit the cucumber and said in a vague tone, “The Castle Master never takes you to inspect the paddock, and usually, you two don’t show how intimate you are to each other. If you’re still in favor, he should be inseparable from you at all times. So I guessed that you fell out of favor. Only those who fell out of favor are thrown into the cold palace1The cold palace is where concubines/mistresses of the emperor are thrown after they “fell out of favor”/not pleasing to the emperor anymore (or maybe they offended the empress XD)..”

Hearing what he said, I scoffed disdainfully. “What do you know about your Castle Master? If the love lasts for a long time, how can both be at the same place from dawn until dusk? We’ll be together every day in the future, so why stick together all the time? Besides, we’re all big men; we don’t need to be like those youthful lovers.”

He nodded; it seemed that he didn’t quite understand.

I don’t know why I wanted to speak nonsense and delude him, but I’ve always felt that as long as I told him the truth, I will once again be pitiful to some degree, and I don’t like being pitied by others.

After I drove the kid away, I took a nap on the patio until the sun gradually went down and I felt a little chilly, then I languidly got up.

I told my servant to go shopping outside and return for dinner. He was used to going out alone, so I didn’t follow.

I walked slowly to the southern area, looking for the library that Cheng Xiaoyu talked about, but then I got lost while heading there, perhaps because Black Hawk Castle is too big.

Although Black Hawk Castle is controlled by a big family involved in valuable businesses, honestly speaking, there aren’t many servants. Apart from their regular patrols, the guards in the Castle don’t move around at will. As a result, there was no one I could find to ask for directions.

Who knows if my servant will wait for me at dinner, or if he will report my absence to the butler so he can send someone to find me instead.

I wandered around, trying to identify where I was at. After passing through a small bamboo forest, a beautiful small building suddenly appeared in front of me. It really was like seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

I thought this was the library I was looking for, so I walked over quickly.

The small building was very cold and quiet, having no sign of life. At this time, the sky was gradually darkening, and the place appeared increasingly eerie and ghostly.

As I slowly climbed the steps up the small building, the stairs made harsh noises. There were several rooms on the second floor. I chose one of them and opened the door.

This looks like a study. The four treasures of the study2 文房四士The four treasures of the study: the essentials of calligraphy and scholarship namelypen, ink, paper, inkstone were available on the desk, and there were many books neatly arranged on the shelves. There were also several calligraphies and paintings hanging on the wall.

My gaze swept across the calligraphies and paintings one by one. When I came across one of the paintings, I came to a halt. It was of a very beautiful woman wearing a lotus-colored ruqun3I don’t know what part of the lotus exactly; leaf, flower, root? Or what type of ruqun, there’s a lot of different types of ruqun. But I’ll stick with this cuz I think it’s beautiful (and slightly fits the description ;).



with a graceful smile, looking straight at the viewer as if depicting endless affection.

It was not the painting that made me pay attention, however, but the painting’s inscription.

On the inscription of this painting is Xiao Zhongnan’s seal, then this person… could it be Mrs. Xiao?

I walked a few steps closer to take a better look, but I kicked something near my foot. I bent over to pick it up and found out that it was a woman’s beaded accessory made in the shape of a flower.

The flower must have fallen from the table beside it. Two pearls I found next to it must have also fallen off with the flower. I picked them up, planning to put them back on the table again.

This small building must’ve been cleaned frequently by servants because although it was dreary, it was not dilapidated, and there was no dust on the furniture. Thinking of this, I took a pause. I took the flower bead again to look at it when a thought flashed through my mind.

Could it be that this was the residence of Psycho and his wife before, and then after Mrs. Xiao died, he moved out because he was afraid of the scene evoking mixed feelings?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was possible. When I looked at the painting again, I murmured, “The hero and the beauty, it should be this way…”

I was about to put the flower bead away when at this moment, the door of the room was slammed open. My complexion suddenly changed, and I abruptly retreated a few steps. When I recognized whose palm it was, I couldn’t help exclaiming.

“Xiao Zhongnan?”

He stared at me with a face that sunk like water, and his eyes widened when he caught sight of the beaded flower in my hand. His infuriated breathing was fanning his sleeves, as if he was going to lose his mind in the next moment.

He yelled at me, “Who let you in?! Who gave you permission to touch things here?!”

“I…” I was taken aback by his questions. I was originally a little guilty, but the pit at the bottom of my stomach seemed to have been blocked by the way he spoke and now, I really want to vomit it out4vomiting can also mean speaking out grievances or complaints, “It was not written on the door that this is a forbidden place, and I came in only because I got lost. This thing was already broken when I found it and I was not the one who broke it, so why are you so aggressive towards me?” I threw the beads in my hand onto the table. The scattered pearls uncontrollably rolled over the table until they finally dropped and broke completely.

Xiao Zhongnan’s expression suddenly became extremely hideous. Before I could react, he was already in front of me, holding my lapel with one hand, and the other hand held up high in the air. Internal force was accumulating deep within his palm, as if he wanted me to slap to death.

I stared at him with my eyes wide open, somewhat in disbelief. “You want to kill me?”

The blue veins on his forehead were pulsating, and his expression was completely terrifying. Still maintaining his posture, he neither admitted nor denied my accusation.

I used to have unrealistic fantasies. I always kept in mind that he was Psycho. Psycho would not hurt me, and so neither would he. But I never expected that today, he would want to take my life for the sake of a beaded flower.

I suddenly realized that compared to the most important person in his mind, my life might be worse than the other’s flower bead. He was so good to me in the cave, was it also because he mistook me for that person?

Is my life that comparatively cheap and lowly? But isn’t it my life?

Suddenly, endless resentment surged from the bottom of my heart, and my voice was trembling, “Then kill, hit me to death with a single blow and treat it as if I have paid back your life-saving grace!”

I said this not so much to him but, instead, to Psycho through him, acting a bit rashly due to my anger.

Full of rage, and with an unwavering gaze, he finally brought his palm down, but instead of slashing my body, he slashed the table at the side, slicing through a corner of the table as if it was tofu.

“Get out!!” He roared, eyes filled with red silk, looking like a man-eating devil.

My outer robe was loose, but my heart was still in tangles.

“Just go away!” I bit my lip and took a deep look at him. I flicked my sleeves and proceeded to rush away in a rage.

I searched for half an hour before I found my way back to the courtyard where I lived. I was so angry that I couldn’t eat dinner, so I just lay down on the bed and went to sleep.

Xiao Zhongnan and I quarreled, so naturally, it was impossible for me to restrain him with rope that night. I thought there would also be nothing wrong this time, but what I didn’t expect was that I would be paying a painful price the same night.

  • 1
    The cold palace is where concubines/mistresses of the emperor are thrown after they “fell out of favor”/not pleasing to the emperor anymore (or maybe they offended the empress XD).
  • 2
     文房四士The four treasures of the study: the essentials of calligraphy and scholarship namelypen, ink, paper, inkstone
  • 3
    I don’t know what part of the lotus exactly; leaf, flower, root? Or what type of ruqun, there’s a lot of different types of ruqun. But I’ll stick with this cuz I think it’s beautiful (and slightly fits the description ;).



  • 4
    vomiting can also mean speaking out grievances or complaints

Xena

Want to be a cat but is actually a sloth. ping-able on discord. Luvs fluff, strikethrough, (I hate footnotes now, they always pit me), and your comments! My babies according to when they were born: It's Over, the Major General is Bent!, A Filthy Rich Hamster in the Apocalypse, Sect Master and Psycho, Bite Your Fingertips... Faking Straight might be added later

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10 thoughts on “Chapter 15”

  1. *inhales*
    AAAHHH YOU TWO WERE SWORN BROS, DECLARED BY PSYCHO HIMSELF! GO BACK TO BEING BROS *and silently developing fluff and helping psycho recover and falling in love*

    Reply
  2. They have already progresses to bondage? That was fast ~
    And they are even farther apart now, than they were before … why does this hurt so much? Poor Sect Master – he just wants affection QAQ

    Poor betrayed baby … but at least he can have a somewhat peaceful life at the moment? One his first thoughts when hearing ‘library’ was still to find some medical books. My heart QAQ

    But Cheng Xiaoyu – ‘did you fall out of favour’. He was never really in favour. How could he fall out of it? xD
    … ‘We don’t need to be like those youthful lovers’ – I smell some bs here. But well, I understand his reason for saying that. It’s the wasiest way not to get unnecessarily pitied…

    Why do I have the feeling that this beautiful building has something to do with the dead wife? Especially when the descritpion said, that it looked increasingly eerie and ghostly? I was right! *pats own shoulder*

    Of course Xiao Zhingnan had to come – I can already see my heart breaking even more QAQ
    Oh boy, this night is going to end rather bad for him, isn’t it? I’m kinda worrying about him …

    Thank you for the chapter!

    Reply
  3. thanks for the chapter! walao i feel bad for this grieving husband… normally i’d think that mc could be a little more understanding… but he was awfully r**** nearly every day, being mistook for someone else and not being regarded as a significant existence whatsoever, all while he was nursing injuries. he also deserves to be upset. it’s too bad that husband kun doesnt remember anything, so each party thinks the other is at fault.

    Reply

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