Chapter 2.2

Kodai was surprised by those words and looked at Endo. Was he trying to defend Kodai in his place?

But when he looked at Endo’s unreadable eyes, he realised that that wasn’t possible. There was no way Endo would get angry for someone else. He was completely worried only about himself.

“Anyway, go back and apologise.”

“I only said the truth, didn’t I?”

“It’s not a problem about the truth, it’s about our workplace atmosphere.”

“So stupid.”

He wasn’t hurt a bit by Anzai’s targeting but Endo’s few words had destructive power. As someone who would always take into consideration others’ feelings and try hard not to rock the boat, he himself felt stupid.

“By the way, I still haven’t eaten anything.”

Even so, he didn’t get angry, or try to convince him otherwise — he took his usual soft approach and responded.

“I haven’t even eaten anything other than a piece of karaage either, ” Endo said, annoyed, and went into a hamburger shop diagonally opposite them.

Kodai followed him, and they each ordered their burger combos before sitting into the only free, two-person seat. They both were quite tall, so their knees bumped against each other underneath the table, making Endo’s brow furrow in discontent.

As he restlessly crammed french fries into his mouth, Kodai thought about how this was technically the first time they had gone out alone together outside of work in the three years they had known each other.

As he continued to eat silently, he received a message from Yashiro. He asked him to come back with Endo if they were together. He told Endo what Yashiro had said and Endo replied, “Then why don’t we go back?” as if he were talking about someone else’s problem. Kodai actually also felt like it would be a bother so he politely declined and closed his phone.

“Why were you sucking up to that kind of person?” Endo asked him and Kodai showed a strained smile.

“Not sucking up. Anzai is easy to understand so I can’t hate him.”

As he expressed his own personal feelings, he realised that maybe he had been looking down on Anzai instead. Looking down on someone, or making fun of them, was actually a front born from a lack of self-confidence. He was easy to understand, so it was also easy to appeal to him.

Suddenly, he felt like he had become the worst kind of person.

“True, talking bad about customers is terrible but I always have personal actions which are different from my public appearance. Not everyone can live showing their true colours as you do, En-chan.”

He thought that he would definitely be harshly called out for such an excuse. But, the words he got in reply were unexpected.

“You and that guy are totally different. Your public appearance isn’t self-preservation or hypocrisy. It’s consideration for the other person’s feelings.”

Kodai was so surprised he dropped a french fry from his mouth.

“How dirty. What’s with that reaction?”

“I mean, this whole time, I thought you hated me.”

“Huh??” Endo spoke in a terribly disgusted voice so Kodai flusteredly added words.

“Well, it’s not like I’m assuming you like me either. I just thought that you would be completely opposed to people like me so it was unexpected that you thought of me like that.”

As he explained, he slowly realised his own emotions. The entire time, he had thought that he didn’t get along with Endo, but it may have been that he admired everything that he had that Kodai didn’t.

After he thought this, he suddenly became aware of their knees pressed together and his heart rate increased.

Endo smiled slightly at the corners of his mouth and said, “If the world were filled with people like me, it would be too brutal.”

Does that mean he accepted the significance of his existence? Kodai was so happy he could fly, which made him embarrassed, so he played it cool.

“Ah, so you’re self-aware?”

“Shut up.”

Even though he got along well with anyone, there were still times when he loathed how he couldn’t act without thinking about others first.

But Endo had accepted that.

To Endo, it may not have been that significant, but it made Kodai extremely happy.

As for whether this event made them closer, that wasn’t the case at all.

As always, at work, Endo remained quiet and arrogant and he and Anzai were like oil and water. Kodai and Endo talked about work and continued their voluntary practice after work but they still never met in private.

Their surface-level friendship stayed the same, and Kodai found himself quickly falling for him. As new people joined their team, more and more people were on Endo’s side, both guys and girls. He was trusted by both customers and his juniors because, while his words were harsh at first, he wasn’t two-faced.

Kodai’s feelings became definite when he lost his father half a year later. He had developed cancer, but he was recovering well and had normally returned to work, so it was shocking when his condition suddenly worsened and he died.

As the chief mourner, Kodai had to take a few days off for the various ceremonies and procedures. As one of the popular hair stylists, even if he had to mourn, he had a lot of reservations, so many obstacles arose.

“It’s fine, don’t worry.” He dropped his head at Yashiro’s words and went to bury his father.

In the end, he wasn’t able to come out to his father about his sexual identity. At every opportunity, his father had told him to marry someone opposite to his mother, or that he wanted him to have a happy married life. Kodai had thought that he was good at responding appropriately to anything, but, as he picked up his father’s bones, he realised he should have talked with him more seriously.

It wasn’t like the two were a super close family, but when he lost his father, who was always there like air, he felt demotivated. Four days later, he returned to work.

When he returned to work, his coworkers gave their condolences — Endo was silent as usual. Kodai was used to his lacklustre response. 

He found out from Yashiro that Endo had taken all his clients who couldn’t change their reservations.

“You didn’t scare away my customers with your mouth, did you?”

He asked half to lighten the mood, half seriously. With a surprised face, Yashiro said, “About that…

“En-chan didn’t say his usual criticism to your customers, he earnestly produced their requests. I was so shocked! I thought, ‘So he really can do it if he tries.’”

Kodai was amazed by such an unimaginable turn of events. Endo, who he thought didn’t care about anyone else, had taken care of his customer so well.

He thanked Endo during their break, to which he grumbled, “Yashiro pressured me because we’re close¹ The ‘close’ he says here is referring to the fact that they joined at the same time. So, they’re on the same level in terms of senpai-kouhai stuff.”

Even if that were so, he knew Endo wouldn’t do anything he didn’t want to, so his gratitude didn’t fade.

Since the hamburger shop incident, Kodai could definitely strongly notice Endo helping him in small ways.

When he realised he had feelings for Endo, his feelings of despair from his father’s death started to waver.

It would have been great if he was able to tell his father about the one he liked. No, rather keeping it to himself was more respectful. His chest was full of love that would never come true and the grief of losing his father.

When he realised his romantic feelings, it wasn’t like anything changed. He continued their work-only friendship and the conversations they had each day could be counted on one hand. Work become more busy as well as worthwhile, and before he knew it, the seasons passed and it had already been one year.

The hole opened by his father’s death was filled day by day, like fallen leaves collecting in a gutter.

He wished those days would last forever. Mere coworkers who only had work in common. Every day, they saw each other, and if they had even a single non-work conversation, it made Kodai’s day. He wanted to feed on such a small sense of exultation and keep those days forever.

But, a world that lasts forever doesn’t exist.

The sixth year since he started working. Endo had taken a rare two consequent days off.

He returned like nothing happened, and as soon as he finished that day’s work, he walked to the shop manager.

“I have a lot going on next month, so please allow me to resign.”

He was so surprised his heart pulsed and his entire body felt like it was going to explode.

“Why?!” Kodai yelled before the manager or Yashiro could say anything.

“Your voice is so loud,” Endo said irritatedly. “My mother died so I want to inherit her shop.” He let out a surprisingly politely worded reply. It was startling to Kodai.

Although the store manager tried to convince him to stay, Endo’s will was firm. Kodai was dumbfounded as he speechlessly listened to the exchanges between the manager and Yashiro.

As he was leaving, Kodai reached out to Endo.

“Um, sorry, I had no idea about your mum.”

“Why are you apologising? Of course, you didn’t know because I hadn’t said anything.”

“That’s true but…”

Now that he had said it, the fact that he hadn’t told him was a profound shock. And, above all, he remembered how Endo had covered his work when his dad passed away, without seeking any gratitude, and the sense of emptiness his loss had brought.

“I’m sorry about your mum.”

“I had been prepared since we found the sickness ten years ago. I reckon she fought a lot. Up ‘till last month, she had worked in the shop — don’t you think she lived a good life?”

He spoke detachedly like it was someone else, but his sadness flowed out from his fatigued, bloodshot eyes. His condition was similar to Kodai’s, so he got overwhelmed.

Kodai tried to hide the tears welling up in his eyes but he was quickly exposed.

“Why are you crying?” Endo asked in an exasperated voice.

“I’m not.”

“No matter how you twist it, you’re definitely crying.” Endo wiped at Kodai’s face with the sleeve of the sweater tied around his shoulders.

“Ah, I know this. It’s like a scene straight from a shoujo manga.” All sorts of emotions were built, but Kodai couldn’t help but crack a joke.

“Shut up,” Endo said irritatedly.

Kodai laughed through his tears and scrubbed at his face with Endo’s sleeve.

“I just happened to remember my dad dying.”

“… You too lived together as well.”

This was a rare comment coming from someone who didn’t talk about emotions much. It conveyed the nuance that since it was this hard for him when he and his mother lived apart, it must have been harder for Kodai since they lived together.

He was flooded with emotions and his tears flooded his eyes. He was suddenly struck with the urge to embrace Endo.

But, he couldn’t do that.

It wasn’t his job to impose his emotions on others. He could only joke around. Kodai finally stripped Endo’s sweater from his shoulders, grandly wiped away his tears, and blew his nose as hard as he could.

“Oi, knock it off!”

“But, the fake cashmere texture is so nice.”

“It’s not fake, that’s real cashmere.”

“Oh, sorry. I’ll wash and return it.”

“Don’t bother!”

“En-chan, so scary~”

While their usual light back-and-forth gave him a sense of relief, a cold wind blew across his heart.

If Endo quit and returned to his hometown, they would probably never meet again in their lives. Even at that moment, they never met outside of work and Kodai didn’t even know where Endo was going.

–

T/N

:'( kodaiiiii

and the way he just stole his sweater so casually i cant-

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  The ‘close’ he says here is referring to the fact that they joined at the same time. So, they’re on the same level in terms of senpai-kouhai stuff