Chapter 2 – Seduced Then Abandoned

Edited by: umamin

Qi Qianze first met Fu An in elementary school.

When it was put like this, it really was almost like they could be considered childhood sweethearts¹Lit. green plum and bamboo horse, a Chinese saying originating from Li Bai’s poem 长干行, referring to a couple who grew up innocently playing games together.

When he was young, Fu An was very pale and thin. He had good genes, so his bone structure was very distinct, and he had never experienced the phase when facial features were soft. He was always the best-looking student in class. Later, in fifth or sixth grade, when everyone grew like weeds, he became even thinner. He didn’t like smiling, didn’t like group activities, spoke rudely, and was very mean. He was pretty unlikeable.

If others didn’t like him, it was no problem–the feeling was mutual. Fu An liked them even less than they liked him.

But if Qi Qianze didn’t like him, that was a problem. Qi Qianze was one of the few people who caught Fu An’s eye.

Really, it was a very interesting thing to recall.

Fu An didn’t like being social, didn’t like being popular, didn’t like being in the limelight….. he had many people and things that he didn’t deign to look at, didn’t like. He lived very detachedly. Qi Qianze was the opposite. When he was little, he was simple, shy, and reacted rather slowly. He was always quiet and well-behaved, the type that never attracted much attention, a child with such a low presence that there was nothing about him that could potentially annoy others.

Fu An firmly believed that a lack of annoying aspects was the most likable trait someone could have. Qi Qianze was a rarity in his life, someone he actually liked.

But really, to tell the truth, the biggest reason Fu An liked Qi Qianze was that Qi Qianze himself had no friends. If Fu An liked him and played with him, then Qi Qianze would have one friend—Fu An.

If he was Qi Qianze’s one friend, he would be Qi Qianze’s only friend.

This made little Fu An’s heart race.

Fu An was proud, poison-tongued, and selfish.

After he entangled himself with Qi Qianze, people would pay even less attention to Qi Qianze, and when Qi Qianze had no friends, Fu An would like him even more……that situation became a dead knot.

To Fu An, it was a virtuous circle²Positive feedback loop.

Like this, they went straight from elementary school to middle school. Most of their classmates recognized them, and there was no one who didn’t know of Fu An’s “infamy”. Qi Qianze was simply never able to meet other people, and even if he did, Fu An would use various strategies to drive them away.

So, of course, Qi Qianze hated Fu An.

Really hated him.

But since loneliness is difficult for children to bear, and since they’d already spent so long together, Qi Qianze felt that because Fu An was just a kid, there wasn’t a wrong which couldn’t be forgiven. He would always end up hanging out and chatting with him again. Like this, every word spoken counted as a victory for Fu An. After a long time, Qi Qianze inevitably submitted and became Fu An’s “private property”.

He both loved and hated Fu An.

Qi Qianze spent all of middle school trying to untangle this knot, but was defeated.

He could still recall that moment many years ago, when they were admitted into the same university, and what Fu An had said to him at the school’s tree-lined boulevard.

“Qi Qianze, there’s no way you can ever get rid of me.”

He had said this with a tone of evil delight, and a smile full of jubilation.

“You see, what is it that you want? You want my life and your life to be separate. But that’s impossible– we’ve known each other for twelve years already.”

His voice had been very soft, as if he were speaking sweet words of love, yet it had been full of wicked mockery: “You couldn’t get rid of me for twelve years, do you know why?”

Qi Qianze had already known. It was because he had always felt that Fu An wasn’t bad to the point that he deserved to be completely cut off.

“Qi Qianze, if you want to get rid of me, there are only two ways. One,” Fu An had extended one finger and waved it at him. “You stop being soft-hearted towards me.”

Fu An was open to coaxing but not coercion³Lit. Ate soft but not hard food. If Qi Qianze had been a stubborn, bad-tempered rock in the beginning, then Fu An wouldn’t have pestered him.

But it was already too late for that.

“Two,” Fu An had tilted his head and looked through his eyelashes, as if he were posing for a picture. He showed a charming peace-sign. “I stop liking you.”

The sunlight that day was so bright it burned the eyes.

At high noon.

Fu An had said those words.

At that time, Qi Qianze had stood dumbly for a long time. He’d felt, for the first time, that the light was very bright, so bright that it could bring tears to his eyes.

“The first strategy has a ten to twenty percent rate of success, and the second one has a hundred percent.” Fu An had smiled, bright and charming. The trees’ dappled shadows had fallen on his face, like in a portrait.

He had then said sweet-sounding words: “But, the probability of it happening is 0 percent.” 

“That is––– im, poss, i, ble. Qi Qianze, do you understand?”

“Qi Qianze, there’s no way for me to not like you, just like there’s no way for you to not like sashimi.”

Qi Qianze recalled that when he said this, Fu An had been very sincere, more than at any other moment, than when doing any other thing.

But what use was that?

Seven years later, right now.

Qi Qianze was able to recall their encounter that day– the corner of Fu An’s shirt waving in the wind, Fu An’s smiling face, the way Fu An declared his love, but over and over, he could never remember those years when they were in love. It was already too long ago. The past was like a needle at his heart. Fresh blood would well with any movement he made. Qi Qianze didn’t dare to reminisce. 

As he felt the ice-cold hand on his face, he peered through a pool of tears at the blurred silhouette of that long-lost youth, and thought that Fu An’s sincerity was all fake. That it was all to trick people, to mislead him.

He grabbed that hand as if to do some certain thing, but didn’t, only taking hold of Fu An’s wrist and tugging it downwards, away from his cheek. He then immediately let go.

The movement was extremely quick, without even half a degree of warmth, almost like it was a resentful rejection.

He covered his own eyes and swiped at the tears.

The irritation from the wasabi had already passed. He didn’t need a doctor anymore.

Someone handed him a napkin. Qi Qianze took it with a quiet “thanks”, then lowered his head and wiped a few times.

Fu An took his hand back, standing to the side and observing with cold eyes.

“Ze-ge, is it better now?”

“You’re okay, right? Tell us if you’re uncomfortable.”

“Do you want to go to the bathroom to wash up a bit?”

“……”

After Fu An didn’t say anything, the classmates’ voices surged and rushed into Qi Qianze’s ears. 

“I’m alright, I’ll go to the bathroom.”

Qi Qianze flashed a grateful smile. With a lowered gaze, the subject of which was unclear, he parted the people blocking his way and headed outside.

He didn’t dare look up, fearing that Fu An wouldn’t give him even a glance even after their long separation.

He feared that the corner of Fu An’s mouth would just tilt upwards, into a mocking expression.

Qi Qianze cupped some water from under the faucet. After rinsing his face, he used his cold hands to cover his eyes and slowly let out a long breath.

In this world, there was one type of person that was the most detestable.

Footsteps approached and stopped at the doorway. Qi Qianze didn’t move and waited a moment. That person didn’t move either, seemingly content to simply stand in the doorway and quietly watch him.

It was Fu An. 

Qi Qianze thought. He turned to look, and of course, it was him.

The corner of Fu An’s mouth tilted up. It wasn’t a mocking expression, and there was a weight to his eyes, as if something was suppressed in their depths. There was no trace of a smile on his face as he said, “Qi Qianze, I really didn’t want to see you.”

This wasn’t the kind of attitude that was most annoying to Qi Qianze, but it wasn’t far off, with the same warped, frigid personality.

“No worries, it’s the same for me,” Qi Qianze’s voice was still a bit nasal, and towards that person he’d sought for so long, he said vicious words, “I didn’t think I would see you here.”

Fu An stared at him with a dark expression: “Is that so?”

You didn’t want to see me either.

Qi Qianze couldn’t answer. It wouldn’t be faithful to his true feelings.

He simply didn’t respond, turning his face away and pulling out a paper towel to wipe the water.

In this world there were detestable, despicable people.

For Qi Qianze, Fu An was one.

He’d clearly said those kinds of words, clearly confessed, clearly kissed him, clearly… 

Clearly… 

Qi Qianze couldn’t speak. His eyes were still red – before it was because of wasabi, but now it was because of Fu An.

Fu An was an evil thing, he thought.

Said what the probability is zero, said what you can’t get rid of me, said what I can’t not like you just like you can’t not like sashimi?

The truth was, Qi Qianze had remained loyal to sashimi, but Fu An had ensnared then abandoned Qi Qianze.

Author’s Note:

Fu An replies, with a mouth that lies⁴Lit. Fu An’s mouth, a deceitful ghost but it rhymes in Chinese so I tried to keep that.

Fu An bad!

We still update every day at 12 noon. （I can keep track!)

Thanks very much! Heart to heart!

Begging you to save, review and feed⁵On gongzicp, you can buy “fish food” or other related “treats” to donate. Please support the author!!

• 1
  Lit. green plum and bamboo horse, a Chinese saying originating from Li Bai’s poem 长干行, referring to a couple who grew up innocently playing games together
• 2
  Positive feedback loop
• 3
  Lit. Ate soft but not hard food
• 4
  Lit. Fu An’s mouth, a deceitful ghost but it rhymes in Chinese so I tried to keep that
• 5
  On gongzicp, you can buy “fish food” or other related “treats” to donate. Please support the author!