Chapter 12 – Endlessly Waiting 

Editor: Anna

Proofreader: jlycen

One day after class when I came back to my apartment, there was already a meal prepared on the table – rice with three dishes and one soup. Leo had sat at the table waiting for me with a book.

I was surprised. “You can cook?”

Even though I didn’t think he was a pampered person, I had not imagined that he would be able to cook.

“My mother can’t get used to foreign food so I cooked for her until she died,” he replied.

This was the first time that he mentioned something personal to me.

“I’m sorry.”

He glanced at me lightly, put down the book that he held and said, “Eat.”

I ate to the point of tears.

I told him, “No wonder the people here say that the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. It’s undeniably true.”

Leo suddenly asked, “So did I manage to earn your stomach’s approval?” 

I immediately panicked. I stared at his face as he quietly looked back at me, the air gradually getting heavy between us.

I was almost certain that he was serious.

My face turned ugly. “Leo, I can’t.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you don’t like men.”

“No, I didn’t mean that.” I tried to be tactful, “But I’m not the one for you.”

He and I were destined to meet, but I don’t belong with him. 

“It’s ok, I can wait.” He stood up and went back to his room.

My relationship with Leo could have ended here if it was not for the phone call from Lu QingFan.

When Lu QingFan called me, he said, “I heard that there is a boy named Leo with you.”

In a flash, I realized that he had sent someone to watch me. Otherwise, how could he have known such a private matter?

I gripped my phone till my knuckles turned white. “Lu QingFan, you are watching me.”

He didn’t deny it. “You can play around with him, but don’t get serious,” he said.

Oh, he used such an indifferent tone to speak such cruel words.

Several years later, he still had not changed. In his eyes, someone’s feelings could only be something to “play” with. Apart from his status and power, nothing was worth mentioning in his eyes.

“Lu QingFan, do you think that I’m like you?” I spoke with sarcasm.

Unmoved, he spoke calmly, “JiYu, I thought that after such a long time in England you would have learned to be more mature.”

“Whoever I am with is none of your business!” I yelled loudly, “You can rest assured that I’ll continue living with Leo forever until we are old!”

I had said that in spite, hating him for being indifferent and calm.

From his side of the phone, Lu QingFan sighed.

“JiYu, with such recklessness, you will one day exhaust all your innocence. What will you do then?”

“Even if I die, what does it have to do with you?”

With such a great distance between us, you have already abandoned me long ago. There was no need for you to keep up the farce of caring about me.

“Father will know about it soon. You should do what’s best.” He then hung up the phone.

I slid down the wall, holding the phone in my hand. There was only a beeping sound from the opposite side. Despite my pitiful heart calling out countless times, there was still no response.

Lu QingFan’s words were true and Father soon learned about Leo.

He was in such a rage that he froze my credit card and called me back to China.

I smiled bitterly at Leo. “I have to go back home and I may not be able to come back. I’ll leave you all the money I have.”

“No, I’ll go back with you,” he said.

I quickly refused, “This time it has nothing to do with you. My father was the one who misunderstood so you don’t have to feel guilty.”

“But the last time when I said I like you, I didn’t lie. It’s not a misunderstanding,” he said unperturbed.

Like this, I was unable to reject him anymore.

I always knew that my heart was weak and cowardly. When Lu QingFan rejected me, I learnt to fear nothing and live in the darkness. So when Leo showed me a little light, I couldn’t help but be tempted by it.

However, at that time I was not aware that I would have to pay such a heavy price for my temporary greed.

To lose everything and fall into an even darker abyss.

I just want to be loved, just a little,  so why did it always turn out badly?

I took Leo back to the Pei’s family.

It was only when we left England that I found out that Leo was an undocumented resident. It had taken me a lot of effort to smuggle him out secretly – taking a ship to South Asia before entering China through the border. Enroute, I was constantly on edge but Leo was calm all the way.

He comforted me, “Pei, don’t worry. Even if we get found out, we will only be repatriated.”

Leo had always been more of an adult than I am.

In his sharp eagle-like eyes, there was a concealed coldness that I couldn’t see clearly. Later, it had taken me a long time to realize that I was played by him and casually discarded like a rag, totally oblivious. 

I was truly too naive.

Lu QingFan was really the one who knew Pei JiYu best.

I told Leo to wait in the living room while I talked to my father in the study upstairs.

He nodded, sitting on the sofa. He took the tea I had prepared for him and said, “Pei, I’ll always wait for you.”

I was moved.

When I got to the study, my father flew into a rage.

“After raising you to such an age, how dare you do such a shameful thing. To be kicked out from the university dormitory for a man! You still dare to bring him back to our household!”

My father was so livid that he turned purple.

I could have explained everything to my father, but I didn’t and let him scold me.

That was because Lu QingFan was standing beside the wall and looking at me coldly without saying a word.

I wanted to tell him to look closely. Even if he didn’t want Pei JiYu, there are still other people in the world who would naturally want me. I’m not unlovable.

Such a ridiculous and pathetic self-esteem I had.

I said to my father, “Father, please don’t force me to leave Leo. I need him.”

Father smashed a Northern Song Dynasty brush on the wall behind me. “If you don’t end  your relationship with him, then we will be the ones severing our ties!”

“Father,” I implored.

“Get out!” Father pointed to the door.

With sadness in my heart, I took a final look at him before quietly leaving through the door.

I’m just a coward. If it was possible that someone was willing to love me, I couldn’t miss that chance. 

Leo said he would wait for me.

He was similar to the 16-years-old Pei JiYu, who dared to waste his time waiting for someone and I couldn’t bear to disappoint him.

Even if he disappoints me in the end.

It’s a pity that the story of the both of us ended like this.

In the end, he still didn’t want me.

I have yet to sincerely fall in love with him, and the story was already hastily wrapped up.

It was just like a farce, and Pei JiYu was the only one in this act who played the role of a fool.