Chapter 46 – This Has Always Been What Was Between Us

translator: THISBRO

editor: AutumnWind (!!! We’ve got another member to the FDL team WOOHOO!)

In fact, even without anything being said, Bu YaoLian already had a faint premonition. He Ku was indeed identical to the young Bu QingYun. It was because of this that made him suspicious. After all, how could one have experienced so many things yet retain innocence?

After being enlightened by Kasyapa Bodhi, much of He Huan’s demonic energy was purified. Now, he stands by the lakeside, with his sleeves fluttering in the faint mist and breeze. Although he is dressed in all red, it only gives him the appearance of an autumn maple forest. He carries an air of silence and solitude, as if everything around him has returned to the earth, leaving him all alone. When he no longer intentionally puts on a seductive expression and simply gazes calmly at someone, his hazy eyes – seemingly drunk yet not drunk – instantly made Bu YaoLian reminisce about the former Xuanmen Da-shixiong.

During the days when they were together, Bu QingYun always strode forward at a quick pace, carrying his CaiYun Sword in his arms. He would continue walking like that until he realized that Bu YaoLian was falling behind. Then he would silently slow down and stop to wait for Bu YaoLian to catch up. Now, upon meeting once again, that man looked back and smiled at him, and Bu YaoLian couldn’t help but notice that his eyes back then were far clearer than the bottomless deep pools now.

That young man was right. When all was said and done, it was he who could not clearly see what he wanted. Even when he wanted to sever ties and let go of past friendships, he had gotten hold of the wrong person.

Laughing self-deprecatingly, he turned towards the man in red and lamented, “I had thought that you were a genius, that you would be able to live well even after joining the demonic faction.”

He Huan had walked unhindered in the demonic faction for countless years and never once showed any sign of weakness in front of others. It was no different now, he casually smiled and acknowledged his true identity. “Is there anything about me that says otherwise?”

His figure was slender and as warm as jade, exuding grace and elegance. Now that he had found the true meaning of bliss, his future was boundless. He had He Ku by his side, someone who would always understand and love him. No matter how one scrutinized, everything was perfect. Even if he hadn’t experienced a good life before, it was all alright in the end.

In contrast to He Huan’s look of triumph, Bu YaoLian, who had just crawled out of the lake, appeared truly destitute. Just like the first time they met, Bu QingYun, the first disciple who was personally cherished by the Xuanmen Sect Leader, and he, a nameless child on the streets that was stuffed with straws and waiting to be bought[1]. That was Bu QingYun’s inaugural act of chivalry, using his novice swordsmanship to drive away the human traffickers and rescue that innocent child. Since then, that child became the shidi that would always follow behind him.

Seeing the child’s serious expression as he tried to reach for the lotus flowers in the pond was extremely adorable, Qing XuZi decidedly named his second disciple Bu YaoLian. However, only Bu YaoLian knew that at that time he was actually famished to the point of desperation. He didn’t dare to ask for food from the ethereal immortals clad in pure white clothing. He deduced that a lotus pond should have lotus pods in them, so he went to search for one to alleviate the hunger. The only reason why he hadn’t fainted from starvation was because Bu QingYun later shared some of his jujube pastries with him. Only then, everyone remembered that mortals weren’t able to practice inedia. He was just a commoner and felt unworthy of such an elegant name. Bu LianPeng or Bu HongZao[2] would have suited him much better.

Bu YaoLian thought, at that time, he must have sincerely regarded Bu QingYun as his brother.

Two common children suddenly rose to have become the Xuanmen Sect Leader’s direct disciples, inviting many people’s envy. Bu QingYun was very clever, whoever looked for trouble with him would end up being led completely by the nose. And when he met those he couldn’t handle, he would collapse in front of his shifu and make a scene. Behaving like the devil’s incarnate, nobody in the whole of Xuanmen dared to mess with him.

On the other hand, Bu YaoLian was reticent. Even if he was being bullied, he wouldn’t speak a word about it. When the other kids discovered that as long as they targeted Bu YaoLian for bullying, the typically elusiveBu QingYun would roll up his sleeves and charge forward to fight, they became even more audacious. They named this the ‘Use Bu YaoLian to Bait Bu QingYun’ strategy.

Back then, Bu QingYun had only just joined the sect, since it was one against many, he was at a disadvantage and could only concede. Even after telling his shifu, it had been brushed off as typical boyish brawls and were let off after collective punishment of kneeling. Bu QingYun was terrifying as well, he never cowered no matter how much he got beat up. He single-mindedly trained until gradually, none of his peers could beat him. And after fighting for so long, he eventually became friends with those disciples. Many of them would later become the core disciples of the QianTian Temple. It’s just that, for some inexplicable reason, those disciples were terrified of Bu YaoLian.

Of course, Bu YaoLian knew the reason behind their fears. After having seen, the umpteenth time, Bu QingYun come back with his face bruised and beaten for his sake, he grabbed a vegetable knife from the kitchen, snuck into those disciple’s rooms in the dead of night, and shredded their pillows. He then warned them that if there was a next time, the blade would fall upon their necks instead.

After that night, these people preferred to brawl it over with Bu QingYun on the stage than getting too close to Bu YaoLian. Looking back now, their personalities had been evident from their childhood. Bu QingYun was more honorable, which was why he was always the first to get hurt, but it was also why he achieved the best results. He, on the other hand, despite momentarily accomplishing his goal, wasn’t able to succeed in the long run.

Bu YaoLian hadn’t thought about the events of the past in a long time, he’d initially thought it was due to embarrassment, but unexpectedly, he only sighed in response. He gave a self-deprecratory chuckle before lifting his head and said, “Yes, without a doubt, you’re excellent; it was I who was lacking. I aspired to be a good person, but couldn’t curb my desire to compete against you. It’s not like I would have won in the first place anyway. Naturally, how could I be living well? I might as well stop and be a bad person, but I couldn’t let go of the sense of guilt I harbored towards you. My mind space has been shattered with no hopes of entering the Calamity Crossing Stage. So I am not living well. Not at all.”

“I have never contested you for anything you wanted.”

Silently watching him, He Huan hadn’t lied. As a child with an aggressive temperament, he would always snatch up the jujube pastries their master brought over. It was only later he discovered that their master was distressed over their injuries but couldn’t display any favoritism in front of others. As a result, their master refined the heavenly treasures and elixirs – left by the previous sect leaders – and turned them into pastries for them. It was the effects of these pastries that contributed to his being the strongest disciple within Xuanmen in a swift manner.

When he realized this, his talent had become unrivaled. While Bu YaoLian was also considered a genius, he was still continually lacking by contrast. This made Bu QingYun deeply regret his own overbearing youth. From then on, subsequently, he would let Bu YaoLian obtain whatever he wanted, never contending for anything. Even though the other had betrayed him, he swallowed the truth and silently surrendered the position of the Xuanmen Dashixiong. This time as well, had it not been Bu YaoLian who spoke of it first at the Demon Extermination Campaign, him and He Ku would’ve never said a thing.

When he had previously confronted He Ku, Bu YaoLian’s mind was all over the place. He wanted to vent every single thing out. But when he truly came face to face with He Huan, he realized that the only thing left in his heart now was exhaustion. They were both already a hundred years old. They couldn’t sort it out like they used to when they were young; fighting it out when they were disgruntled and then, after a thorough scolding, getting back to being best of buddies again. It was now too late for them to reconcile.

All of their past mistakes and results no longer seemed important. All of sudden it didn’t matter anymore who was in the right and who was in the wrong, Bu YaoLian turned his gaze towards his senior brother and sighed. “Shixiong, I have loved you and I have hated you. However, now that I think back on it, the times when I loved you seemed so much more interesting than when I hated you. Do not resent me anymore, I have already received my retribution.”

He Huan was slightly moved by the words, but he didn’t add anything to further the conversation. Bu YaoLian directly called towards the forest, “Everything that needs to be said has been heard, it’s time for us to go back, Yun’er”

Only then did He Ku remember, ever since he brought Bu Lingyun over here, she had made herself scarce. He followed Bu Yaolian’s vision and sure enough, the girl in white had a face full of disbelief. The sacred and lofty image of her father suddenly crumbled, her cheeks were already stained with tears, but she still tried to muffle any sounds she might make. Until her father, who had always been upright and noble in her memory, walked up to her side, gently wiping the tears off her face, and said;

“Yun’er, your temperament takes after your mother and not myself, that is a good thing. Take today’s event as a lesson. The hearts of those in the Jianghu are hard to predict and danger could be lurking anywhere. You must remember, refrain from hurting others, yet guard against those trying to hurt you.”

“No, I don’t believe this, how could father…”

She had arrived at the same time as He Ku and personally witnessed everything that had happened. It wasn’t until Bu Yaolian admitted it himself that she was unwilling to believe anything that she heard and saw. However, her father, who had always gently taught her to hold justice in her heart in the past,now using that same tone, telling her with a sigh;

“The moment one enters Xuanmen, everyone holds in their heart the desire to help the common people. All the same, sometimes even though the heart knows what it wants, the vision can still be clouded with unfounded distractions and one can no longer see the path ahead.”

“No, I’m not listening, don’t say anymore.”

With such a sudden change, the young girl was unable to accept reality. She shook him off and ran away. Silently watching her leave, Bu Yaolian didn’t try to follow nor speak, he just tightly clenched the fingers that had just touched her. The image of the Xuanmen dashixiong, that had been carefully crafted over many years, was slowly crumbling, soon revealing his unfeigned self that had already been corrupted and selfish. Even so, he didn’t want to stop it from happening, he’d simply let this matter be disseminated by his own daughter. No one would doubt her words. Having been dragged out for 80 years, the innocence Bu Yaolian owed Bu Qingyun would be returned, and he would personally shoulder his own fall from grace. Everything will be settled between the two of them.

While He Ku held an ambivalent stance towards Bu Yaolian, he had a favorable impression of Bu Lingyun who was a lively young lady. Upon witnessing her experiencing such a drastic change, he couldn’t help but glare at Bu Yaolian. “You knew she was here all along? What are you doing dragging the younger generation into this old mess?”

Upon seeing He Ku, Bu Yaolian felt as if he was looking at the Bu Qingyun of the past. He didn’t want to bother with deciphering which was the real or fake one, he’d just take them both to be real. He heaved a melanchonic sigh in his heart, but when he raised his head, he still wore a face of indifference that bordered on heartlessness, and plainly spoke;

“About what should and shouldn’t be done, everyone grew up listening to the sect disciplines and knew it in their hearts. But to know differs from to act. Even if there are lessons from the past, being mere experiences of people wholly unrelated to them, it would be inevitable that thoughts of situational uniqueness or exception would arise. Only through firsthand demonstration from those closest to us will the lesson truly resonate. In the future, when met with setbacks, she will keep these hard-earned lessons in mind and avoid venturing off the right path solely due to a misstep. There is no potential in either of us anymore. Lingyun is the most talented among the new generation of disciples. If she could pass this trial, she will naturally be able to bear the future of Xuanmen. If she cannot, she might as well abandon the notion of carrying the world and find a companion to roam the world with. That is also a rather steady life.”

As early as the day that Bu Qingyun had reappeared, Bu Yaolian knew that he himself had reached the end. Bu Lingyun had grown up by the Xuanmen dashixiong’s side, welcoming all the pampering of the world, and nurturing her naive and simple character. However, after today, with Bu Yaolian’s loss of power, he could no longer protect her, and she would have to protect herself.

Since he had no way out, he might as well give the credit of unmasking him to his daughter. Placing righteousness before family, she would naturally be able to free herself from her father’s tainted reputation. He believed that in the end, Bu Lingyun would still tell the truth, because his daughter, unlike him, was a true disciple of the Xuanmen and believed in the path of righteousness.

He wouldn’t utter a word of this to anyone, but He Huan could faintly guess at what his intentions were. His expression became complicated as he looked at his old friend, who seemed to have aged more than in his memory. He sighed gently, “You’ve been extremely good towards your daughter… now that I think about it, you treat those around you very well, with the exception of myself.”

He Huan rarely showed this kind of expression. In spite of any degree of sadness, he would maintain a light smile, making people feel that noteven a mountain of daggers and seas of flames could hurt him. This was also the first time that Bu Yaolian saw him with a somewhat self-deprecatory look. Bu Yaolian laughed bitterly, and also spoke in a rare bout of truthfulness,

“Because you’re the only one that I simply can’t figure out how to treat well. You lack nothing, whereas I don’t have anything better to offer you that you don’t already have. See, even now, as a demonic cultivator, you stand here proud. You don’t even need my contrition at all.”

He Huan’s smile, well-practiced from the affairs of the world, was too perfect. Even at this moment, he was smiling softly and noncommittally, as if he didn’t care about these words at all. Only He Ku clearly felt a hint of indescribable sourness in his heart and cursed this damn He Huan internally—he would endure everything regardless of what he encountered. You weren’t like this as a kid when tattling to shifu. How come you’ve become more hard headed as you grew older!

Just thinking about it rendered him restless, he wanted to directly inquire Bu Yaolian if he had a brain or not. Had you ever considered, at any point at all, that Bu Qingyun’s identity prevented him from revealing his vulnerability in the presence of others?

In the past, Bu Qingyun, as the Xuanmen dashixiong, embodied the image of the righteous path in the world. Who knew how many demonic cultivators saw him as a thorn in their collective side — naturally, he had absolutely no room for error.

Afterward, he’d fallen onto the demonic path and become the public enemy of both the righteous and demonic factions. The whole world was against him. The slightest slip would have costed him his life and even more so he could not afford to yield to anyone.

Now, he was already a Calamity Crossing stage cultivator, and he had He Ku who shared the same heart and body as him. If he felt sad, He Ku would undoubtedly be affected by him. Now that he finally had someone he loved, how could he make them weep endlessly? That was why he could not be saddened. Even if he felt the slightest bit hurt, he must endure it. After constantly enduring it, he will have become used to it. After getting used to it, it will become a relief.

So, even at this time, he still gently restrained He Ku from speaking his heart and blocked everything. He simply smiled and said, “A patient such as yourself shouldn’t be so lively, be careful or you’ll open your wounds again.”

“Shizun is already advanced in years, let’s not give him something else to worry about and settle this among ourselves.”

Bu Yaolian hadn’t caught on to the myriad of words in He Ku’s gaze and only saw that this person remained as indifferent and calm as ever. Without mentioning the past again, he simply tied the loose ends of their affairs together and clarified a conclusion;

“Xuanmen can only have one dashixiong. You are more suitable for it than I am. I am willing to leave on my own to venture into the world and exorcise demons. Unless I die in battle, I will never return to Xuanmen in this lifetime. This is how things will be between us.”

He Ku had always told himself that Bu Qingyun’s past was akin to a movie to him and that he mustn’t be caught up in it—he needed to be himself. He had initially done extremely well, even though he followed the protagonist in experiencing joy and grief, he had never fully immersed himself into the role. But at this moment, seeing Bu Yaolian go, he didn’t feel even the slightest bit of glee at the villain finally receiving his punishment. He glanced at his own shoulder silently. The wound had already been bandaged, and even though the two had just crossed swords, that man had still handled his wound perfectly according to his usual meticulousness. It was only after he had secured the knot that he returned his glare.

As a result, he wasn’t as carefree as he thought. He would rather they continue to fight on sight, to complain about how hateful they were to their respective friends, mutually detesting one another to the end—which would be better than to never meet again.

Although the wound had clearly stopped bleeding,he suddenly felt an unbearable pain and remembered that whenever Bu Qingyun was injured in the past, Bu Yaolian–who was always following behind him–would immediately and nervously dress his wounds and apply salve. Bu Qingyun’s temperament was unrestrained, even if he pretended to be proper and serious to the outside world, upon returning to his own room, he would revert to his inherent state of airheadedness. The diligently meticulous Bu Yaolian would be the one to clean everything up after him…

It was just the position of the Xuanmen dashixiong, nothing more. Why didn’t he speak up about it back then? As long as Bu Yaolian voiced his thoughts, Bu Qingyun would definitely give in to any of his requests. Bu Qingyun had long decided not to compete with him for anything.

If it had been so, they wouldn’t have had to come to this point.

Following Bu Yaolian’s departure, Bu Qingyun’s first act of chivalry reached its own conclusion. This play had a high-spirited beginning, and experienced all kinds of farewells and reunions. Yet as the curtain fell, everything seemed like the waking of a long dream. Everyone’s eyes, which had been filled with the vicissitudes of life, gradually moved further and drifted apart. Everything that happened in the past was long forgotten, and finally, each became an unacquainted passerby to one another.

End of Chapter 46

THISBRO: as always, special to my fellow translator death for helping me pump out this chapter!