Chapter 8.15 – It’s not good to overthink

Editor: meowmiao

“I understand.” Chen Shu Ze’s voice was as hoarse and heavy as his heart.

Was Shizun’s reply a rejection? Did he guess wrongly? Did Shizun already destroy his emotions and give up his feelings?

“You understand? Then why did you say it?” Xiang Han asked with a wooden face.

Chen Shu Ze’s expression sank along with his mood. It took a long time for him to whisper, “This disciple couldn’t help it…”

“Oh,” Xiang Han held back a grin. “Aren’t you afraid that I, your master, will oust you from Qing Jing Peak?”

Chen Shu Ze abruptly raised his head when he heard those words, his eyes full of surprise and confusion. But after a while, he lowered his head again and spoke with resignation, “This disciple does not want to deceive himself any longer. If Shizun really wants— really wants to expel this disciple, this disciple will obey. It’s just… I will always respect and love Shizun in my heart. It will not change, and I will not give up…”

“Is it respect? Or love?”

Chen Shu Ze hesitated. “Both.”

“Which one is more?” Xiang Han continued to probe.

Chen Shu Ze finally reacted.

If Shizun was really angry, he would have already sent him flying with a palm strike, why would he ask so many questions? Moreover, Shizun asked him whether his ‘love’ or ‘respect’ was stronger…

Suppressing the glee in his heart, Chen Shu Ze cautiously raised his head. Sure enough, he caught a glimpse of amusement in those eyes.

He finally released the stone in his heart and his gaze became infinitely warmer. A tinge of desire appeared in the eyes he used to gaze at Xiang Han.

“Love is more…” His voice was rough and husky.

Xiang Han’s heart leapt. He couldn’t continue to pretend.

Eager to obtain this seemingly reachable victory, Chen Shu Ze moved forward and asked in anticipation, “Is Shizun asking this because your heart also has…”

“Ahem,” Xiang Han interrupted him with a wooden expression. “It’s not respect? It looks like you have knowingly confessed to your wrongs and have decided to commit blasphemy…”

“Is this what Shizun thinks?” Chen Shu Ze asked softly.

Xiang Han was caught off guard and Chen Shu Ze immediately moved forward once he saw this. He whispered, “Shizun also likes me, right?”

Seeing him becoming increasingly ‘arrogant’, Xiang Han’s face couldn’t help but turn black. However, he still maintained his upright appearance and said coldly, “Why would you think that I like you?”

“This disciple can feel it.” Chen Shu Ze answered seriously. As if guessing Xiang Han would deny it, he quickly followed up. “If Shizun was angry, you would have sent me flying with a palm or chased me down the mountain, but you didn’t. Instead, you asked me if I felt more love or respect for you. In fact, you are trying to figure out my feelings, aren’t you?”

Xiang Han: “…” Can I send you flying now?

Chen Shu Ze hesitantly reached for his hand. “Shizun, did this disciple’s ignorance hurt you in the past which is why you aren’t willing to accept me now?”

“In the past?” Xiang Han was stunned and overlooked the hand touching his.

This only made Chen Shu Ze grab on tighter to his hand. With hesitation, he continued, “Shizun, I’m sorry. I only understood it much later and caused you to be tormented by your emotional tribulations for two years. It’s only normal that you’re angry, but I…”

What was going on here? Xiang Han immediately pulled his hand back. “Is there something wrong with your brain?”

“Huh?”

Xiang Han raised a hand and sent out a palm. Then, he followed Chen Shu Ze out. “Are you awake yet?”

Chen Shu Ze clutched his chest as he laid on the floor with a flabbergasted expression.

“What emotional tribulation? Two years? Did you stray off the righteous path?” Xiang Han asked with a frown. In the beginning, he hadn’t noticed anything strange until the more he heard, the stranger things sounded.

There were no actual injuries, so Chen Shu Ze very quickly got up and dusted off his robes. “Shizun, previously when you were in seclusion… it wasn’t because of your demons?”

“Where did you hear these rumours from?”

Once he connected this to the words he heard before, Xiang Han seemed to… have understood something. Chen Shu Ze thought that he had liked him from two years before and succumbed to his emotional tribulations?

Xiang Han was extremely speechless. In fact, he really wanted to pinch Chen Shu Ze and ask him what on earth gave him such an impression!

However, for some reason, he did have a good impression of Chen Shu Ze when he first transmigrated, and even had some goodwill. But he believed that he had always been restrained and maintained an aloof appearance without doing anything…

Alright… he might have exposed himself twice and even stroked him once, but he definitely didn’t reach the point of straying from the righteous path. He simply couldn’t understand how Chen Shu Ze had come to that conclusion. From his past experience, this dangerous train of thought must be stopped even though it might seem to be heading in a positive direction. There was still a chance it would abruptly stray into the direction of some dog-blooded scenario.

Furthermore, he hadn’t fallen in love with a certain someone to the point of becoming obsessed. He would resolutely deny things that did not happen.

“The Dao heart is firm. Why would there be tribulations? That is nonsense.” Xiang Han waved a hand and stood on the steps with his hands behind his back.

Chen Shu Ze stood below, and finally spoke up after a while, “There’s no… emotional tribulation?”

“None.” Xiang Han emphasised.

None?

For a moment, Chen Shu Ze was at a loss. Could it be that he had imagined everything? In fact, Shizun didn’t like him, and did not face any emotional tribulations, let alone need to destroy his feelings?

No, no, even if he was mistaken about the emotional tribulation, his hunch couldn’t be wrong. Shizun… must like him.

Chen Shu Ze shook his head and quickly thought: if there was no emotional tribulation, Shizun had not experienced any turmoil, so he should be happy.

After he figured it out, he quickly looked towards Xiang Han and asked with hope, “Shizun, since it didn’t happen, can I… can I like you?”

Xiang Han never imagined that they would arrive back at the beginning. But this question…

Liking someone was a private matter, what did it have to do with his opinion? Could it be that if he didn’t agree, Chen Shu Ze would stop liking him?

Even though he entertained this line of thought, he was actually quite happy and wanted to nod. Since he had always maintained a cold expression before, it was not a good idea to reveal such a huge change, so he feigned calm and said, “That’s up to you.”

After saying this, Xiang Han flung his sleeves and went back to his room. Chen Shu Ze was slightly stunned. He repeated these words in his heart several times before his eyes flashed with ecstasy and disbelief.

Just as Xiang Han took two steps, he turned back around and said, “I see that you are in a daze today, even the way you speak is incoherent. You should go back and wake yourself up.”

The joy that Chen Shu Ze just felt was knocked down again in an instant. He stuttered, “S-Shizun, this disciple was awake just now. Everything I said was from the bottom of my heart.”

“Your words may be true, but your sobriety may not be.”

Chen Shu Ze was anxious. “Shizun, I…”

Xiang Han raised a hand to stop him. “Don’t jump to conclusions and think about things you shouldn’t. It took you two years to understand your feelings because your head is full of useless rubbish. I think you are still not sober. Even thinking that your master had… strayed from the righteous path out of desire. Who knows if you might imagine yourself in that position in the future…”

Hearing this, Chen Shu Ze hurriedly defended himself, “Shizun, this is definitely not the case. In fact, it didn’t take long for me to understand things after you went into seclusion.”

Xiang Han paused for a moment. “Really? What have you understood? That your master had fallen into an emotional tribulation and that made you recognise your own feelings? But that was all your imagination, so the feelings you have understood…are they real?”

Chen Shu Ze was stunned while Xiang Han smiled slightly and said, “Look, sometimes it’s not a good thing to think too much. You must remember this in the future.”

This time, he went straight back to his room after leaving these words behind and without looking back.

Chen Shu Ze has been standing in the courtyard. In the beginning, he was truly frozen but he soon recovered. It was true that he only began to suspect he had feelings for his Shizun due to the product of his imagination, but wanting to understand his feelings had nothing to do with it.

If he truly had no feelings for his Shizun, it would be useless even if his Shizun loved him to the point of obsession. Would he develop feelings for his Shizun out of sympathy? Obviously not.

But why did his Shizun say that? Did he not understand? Or…

Thinking of Xiang Han’s last sentence ‘It’s not a good thing to think too much’, Chen Shu Ze instantly understood something and felt depressed.

He had thought that his Shizun was in love with him to the point of falling into an emotional tribulation, how could he not be embarrassed? He must have seemed like a narcissist, no wonder Xiang Han warned him that thinking too much was not a good thing.

Chen Shu Ze couldn’t help holding his forehead. Earlier, he had wanted to explain that his feelings were not due to his overactive imagination. But at this moment, his face burned from embarrassment.

He sighed deeply and felt that if he hadn’t needlessly mentioned the words ‘emotional tribulation’, the things that happened in the later stage could have been prevented. There might even be a chance that Shizun would agree. This time, he really shot himself in the foot.

Fortunately, Shizun had said that liking him or not was up to himself. Chen Shu Ze comforted himself secretly and just sat in the courtyard until dawn.

Liu Meng’er came early in the morning and was a little surprised to see him in the courtyard. She asked in a low voice, “Junior Brother, why are you up so early? Is Shizun awake?”

Chen Shu Ze shook his head, “I’ve always been here.”

Liu Meng’er was even more surprised when she heard it and she felt a little guilty. “Did Shizun… say something to you?”

Chen Shu Ze pinched his temples and said helplessly, “Senior sister, you really can’t keep a secret, can you?”

“Ahem,… Master asked and I couldn’t not tell him” Liu Meng’er fiddled with her robe.

“Master asked first?” Chen Shu Ze asked in surprise.

“Yeah.” Liu Meng’er nodded vigorously and added, “Master was very unhappy when he found out that you liked… Anyway, I think that there are so many great flowers in the world, why do you have to go back to find an old flame?”

Chen Shu Ze said helplessly, “Shijie, Shizun told me something last night. I think you need to hear it too.”

“What?”

“Sometimes, it’s not a good thing to think too much. Especially when it comes to rumours, don’t fan the flames.”

“Uh…” Liu Meng’er apologised in shame, “You don’t like Xiao Yue? Is Shizun angry with you? Ah, I misunderstood. I’m really sorry, I’ll help you explain to Master later.”

Chen Shu Ze shook his head and said, “No, in fact… it’s a blessing in disguise and I would like to thank Shijie.”

“A blessing in disguise? Master wants to help you with matchmaking?” Liu Meng’er asked in surprise.

“Who needs help with matchmaking?” Before Chen Shu Ze could answer, Xiang Han pushed the door open and looked at them blankly.