The need to enjoy the present is only because time passes by like running water and the years are merciless.
No matter how hard Psycho tries to keep me alive, my body will inevitably fall to its final decline.
Fortunately, I had a wonderful time before I would die, and my life was worthwhile.
I feel especially energetic today, much better than the previous few days. I know that today would most probably be the end of my life. Originally, I wanted to die in the cave at the bottom of the valley, but now it’s too late to go back. I mulled over it and thought that it would be better to change the location to the lakeside.
The scenery of that place was beautiful, and it’s also close to Black Hawk Castle. It would be convenient to visit me during New Year or any other festivities.
I let Psycho carry me to the lake. Currently, the weather is already a bit cold. He used a large cloak to wrap around me and bundled me up tightly.
I said to him, “Psycho, I wrote an abdication letter. When Guardian Yang arrives, give him the letter and tell him that I believe in his abilities and ask him to work hard.”
“You don’t need to be sad, I am perfectly satisfied and willing to do all of this.”
“After my passing, you can just submerge me down into this lake, that would be convenient.”
He has been silently listening to me, holding me in his embrace and kissing my forehead from time to time.
“Speaking of which, those few months in the cave were the time of my life when I was the most carefree and the freest.”
“When you have time, can you go back to see if the doe is still there on my behalf? It’s extremely stupid, and who knows if it was eaten already. And, that bearskin you gave me, burn it for me, I want to take it away1HQY wants it as burnt offering… “
My body’s getting colder and colder; I have no more energy left to speak, and I feel unusually sleepy. Psycho obviously perceived my change, causing him to hug me closer to his chest as if he was afraid that I would turn into a plume of smoke and drift away at any time.
I put my hand on top of his and caressed it softly. “Don’t be like this; in eighteen years, Laozi will be a good man, maybe I could even be your son!” I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of that scene.
“You’re not giving me a son, where would I get a son?” Psycho’s deep, hoarse voice came from above my head.
I curled my lips and gently squeezed the back of his hand. “Tsk, I said I’m a man… I can’t give birth.”
Psycho didn’t speak anymore, but I could feel a damp sensation on my forehead, then water droplets rolled down bit by bit. The hands that were carrying me trembled incessantly.
There was a pain lodging itself deep in my heart, my nose was sour, and I was close to shedding tears.
To be able to have this one caring person, my life has been rewarding.
I talked to him all night, and it lasted until the sun rose.
When the warm sunshine sprinkled over the grassland and brought with it a new day, my eyelids felt increasingly heavier, until they finally drooped completely closed.
Sinking into this genuine darkness, I seemed to hear the sorrowful roar of a man, like that of a wounded beast, so full of pain and despair.
I wanted to respond to him, but I couldn’t open my eyes or make any sound. I felt as if my whole body was floating in a sea of clouds. My entire body was warm and cozy, with my dantian exuding a warm flow of heat.
What’s wrong with me? Is this death?
Then, I seemed to see my life flash by. I was the smallest one amongst a group of teenagers the same age as me. Master asked us what we wanted to do when we grew up, and the other brothers all said that they wanted to do their part for HanYiJiao, that they wanted to become HanYiJiao’s cornerstone. I was the only one who said that I wanted to see the outside world, for which Master punished me to kneel all night.
As I grew up, I was completely ordinary; a nobody in the sect. I never bonded with the formed cliques and had no ambitions of becoming the sect master, but just like this, I entered the eyes of my little shishu. He regarded me as his chess piece to play with on the palm of his hand.
Conspiracies surrounded me since I was a child, and there was no lack of the strong preying on the weak around me, but I had always believed that one day I could leave this type of environment and be truly free.
When I was struck down the cliff, I had actually faintly breathed a sigh of relief in my heart. I felt that my life wasn’t a wonderful life; I had strived to do what I could, and now I could finally put down the burden on my shoulders and sleep well. Unexpectedly, in the end, I didn’t die and was saved by Psycho instead.
Now that I think about it, my whole life had run off course since that day, advancing all the way towards an unpredictable direction, and now, I don’t know whether that was bad luck or good luck.
I only knew that when my hands and feet were broken and my whole body swept by a pain similar to that of shattered bones and torn flesh, the Psycho who appeared in front of me was like a god descending from the sky. In my eyes, he was glowing with a bright and dazzling golden light, making me involuntarily cry out for help.
Whether he was Psycho or Xiao Zhongnan, I will never forget what he had done for me and the injuries that he suffered for me—not for eternity.
I believe that he’s willing to die for me, so what does it matter if I die for him now? In my opinión, it is worth it.
I don’t know how long I have been drifting among the sea of clouds—I have no concept of time and no awareness of what is happening around me; however, at a certain moment one day, I suddenly tasted something peculiar.
A rusty, fishy, and hot liquid rushed into my mouth and then went into my body through my esophagus.
My whole person started to sweat, my senses began to recover, and then I broke free from the darkness.
I woke up muddle-headed. The first voice I heard was from Guardian Yang, and he was also the first that came into my view.
“Awake, awake! Sect Master is awake!” He excitedly leaned his head toward me and made a lot of noise.
“Let me see!” After a while, an old man with a white beard also leaned forward. I pondered for a long time before I realized that this was Elder Wen.
Although I was awake, my arms and legs were still powerless. I spoke softly.
“I— how… I woke up again?”
Yang Chengqi spoke, taking the credit, “We almost couldn’t save you. I grabbed Elder Wen Xingye and rushed here. When we arrived, you were only half-alive. I saw you just at the time that Xiao Zhongnan was carrying you and walking into the lake. I nearly swooned in fright! It was chaos when we pulled you up, and it took a long time before we got you stabilized.”
I was taken aback, and hurriedly asked him, “Where is Xiao Zhongnan?”
Elder Wen spoke, “He hasn’t slept for several days. His younger brother tapped his sleep acupoints and moved him over to the next room.”
I nodded and lay down with peace of mind. I caught sight of the small bowl in Yang Chengqi’s hand, and asked, “What did you make me drink?”
The smell was too odd and too familiar, so I couldn’t help but ask.
Elder Wen’s expression didn’t change as he said, “This is Xiao Zhongnan’s blood. Your body is weak right now, so I could only let you drink a little of his blood first to replenish your own qi and blood.”
The way he said this was as if he was saying that it was his own Chinese cabbage.
“His blood?” I stared at the bowl of bright red stuff, my stomach churning, and there was a dull aching in my heart. “How about his health? Will this be harmful to him?”
Yang Chengqi knew that I was worried about Psycho, so he hurried over to assure me. “It’s fine, it’s fine. Castle Master Xiao is in good health, his qi and blood are abundant, and he was the one who said he wanted to do bloodletting for you.”
This really confused me, am I fine or not?
I asked one after another, “What the hell is going on with my body? Weren’t I going to die? Why didn’t I die again?”
Elder Wen sat at the side, lifting the tobacco pipe in his hand; he began to suck it and smoke. “The 《Secret Ritual of the Hidden Flower》 was actually missing two pages. These two pages are very crucial because they describe your current situation in detail. Look at the little flowers outside; they wither year after year and then bloom year after year as well. The same is true for the cauldron who practices the 《Secret Ritual of the Hidden Flower》. From prosperity, to decline, and then to prosperity once more—like a phoenix’s nirvana2A phoenix’s nirvana: Pheonix are believed to be associated with fire. They never die and their fire never extinguished because once they turned into ashes, those ashes will once again rose into flames and form their new body. This process is repeated again and again. [I did not visit any site for this info and just depended on stock knowledge. If you know more about the pheonix’s nirvana or want to correct me just comment below~] , it will never die and will never be extinguished.”
This was so incredible that hearing it left me stunned.
“Is your honorable self saying that I won’t die anymore?” Although death is painful, not being able to die would also be such a pain, ah.
He rolled his eyes when he heard this. “You won’t die right now. Maybe you will die of old age in a few decades; it’s also possible that you won’t need to wait to die of old age and be assassinated by your enemies. However, both your body and skills should be better than before once you finish recuperating. Just be careful and you can walk around the Jianghu sideways.”
I was completely dumbfounded. How could I return from the dead and also be able to walk in the Jianghu sideways? Good things like this also exist?
“By sideways, how sideways can I walk? Compared to Lin Yue?” I asked carefully.
Elder Wen snorted coldly, rather disdainful. “You regard that as walking sideways? Don’t worry; your skill will definitely be many times higher than his martial arts.”
My heart was rapidly thumping. I really couldn’t believe it at all. I even secretly quietly pinched myself to see if I was dreaming.
After a while, I accepted the fact that not only did I not die, but I might also have peerless martial arts. Psycho came to mind, and I quickly reached out to Guardian Yang.
“Quick, help me up, I’m going to see Psy… Xiao Zhongnan.”
Yang Chengqi helped me lean on the bed, but refused to let me get out of bed. “You’re still a patient at the moment. See, what see, ah? I’ll go and call him…”
I waved my hand. “No, let me go by myself.”
He was anxious and restrained me to stop me from moving. “Ai, Sect Master, don’t move about. Your body hasn’t recovered yet, don’t get out of the bed!”
At that moment, a figure suddenly pushed open the door and broke in, shocking the three of us.
The man at the doorway hadn’t come to a realization yet. He stood there in a daze, not far from me. His eyes were wide open, seeming as if he opened them a little more his eyes would burst out and bleed.
He walked to my bed, step by step, then suddenly knelt down. I was startled and was about to help him up, but he grabbed both my hands.
“NanNan…” He closed his eyes and held my hands up to his lips. He kissed them repeatedly as if he had regained a treasure that he had lost.
Heat suffused my eyes. I held back my tears and smiled at him. “Look at you, I asked you to take good care of yourself; why are you hurt like this again?”
He looked very frightened this time, holding on to me, his voice incomparably hoarse. “Never leave me again.”
I looked at him helplessly, at the same time feeling extremely sweet inside. I leaned over and kissed the corner of his eye.
He may have been bloodletting recently because his temperature was a little low, and his complexion wasn’t good. I felt very distressed.
“Alright, I will never leave you.” I promised him.
We have experienced things that ordinary people would most likely never experience and have walked a road that ordinary people could never walk. Heaven ought to let us be together properly from now on.
For my remaining time, I’m not asking for much, I just want to be able to live with him peacefully, smoothly, and steadily.
Winter left and spring came, my body was getting better and better under the care of Elder Wen, and my internal strength was also improving by leaps and bounds. I could even exchange blows with Psycho and occasionally tie, but I always suspected that he was just letting me have it.
The radiance of spring was just right that day. Cheng Xiaoyu and I got together to go on a horse-riding outing. When I passed by a dirt slope, I unexpectedly saw a wolf.
Wolves could be a disaster on the grassland. If there was a herd of horses nearby, they would be threatened. Without thinking any further, I left Cheng Xiaoyu’s side and chased after it.
I chased the wolf all the way to a cliff. ‘It’ saw that there was no way to escape and turned around to bare its fangs at me, threatening me with a terrifying growl. However, I was stunned when I saw ‘it’s’ face.
That night, I took a little ‘wolf pup’ back to Black Hawk Castle. The wolf pup was so fierce that it kept kicking and roaring in my arms.
Xiao Zhongnan and his brother were waiting for me to return to have a meal when they saw that I was holding something in my arms. The two of them stood up in succession to take a look.
“What did you pick up?” Xiao Mobei asked curiously.
Although Psycho didn’t speak, I could feel his probing gaze on the thing in my arms.
I grinned at him and peeled off the hide to reveal the little pup inside. “Take a look at my son!”
What I had seen was that there turned out to be a young and delicate child underneath the wolf’s skin. His black eyes were round because of fright. He was small and thin, but he was indeed a human boy.
I don’t know how a child could live alone in the grassland. From his appearance, he seemed to be a wolf child that was raised by a wolf. He completely lacks any sense of being ‘human’, if he hadn’t met me, who knows what could’ve happened to him.
The child was uncomfortable in my arms and was already restless since earlier, yet the moment he came into contact with Psycho’s cold and indifferent eyes, he whimpered and became well-behaved in an instant!
I happily lifted him up and declared, “From now on, you will be my son. Your name will be… it will be Han…”
Just as I was racking my brains while thinking about what name to give him, Psycho suddenly spoke and stated in a very domineering tone, “His name will be Xiao Langyue3Xiao from Xiao Zhongnan, Langyue meaning bright moon.”
Forget it, Xiao Langyue, Xiao Langyue it is. To be surnamed Xiao, he is also my son!
I smiled again and said, “Your name is Xiao Langyue!”
The boy looked at me ignorantly, with innocence and silliness in his eyes, a bit like Psycho.
T/N (Xena): Wow, what a ride. Thank you for all the awesome comments, for all the ko-fis, and for being wonderful readers! I hope you cried, cuz I did. I cried throughout the duration of these three chapters back when I was reading it. What a worthwhile end.
Only two extras left~ get ready for Xiao Langyue, our little babiee
E/N (Byff): every time I had to edit an angsty chapter, I would go back and read through the raws to the ending because apparently I must be masochistic…the feels…the roar at the lake…so good T^T
- 1HQY wants it as burnt offering
- 2A phoenix’s nirvana: Pheonix are believed to be associated with fire. They never die and their fire never extinguished because once they turned into ashes, those ashes will once again rose into flames and form their new body. This process is repeated again and again. [I did not visit any site for this info and just depended on stock knowledge. If you know more about the pheonix’s nirvana or want to correct me just comment below~]
- 3Xiao from Xiao Zhongnan, Langyue meaning bright moon