Chapter 28 – Door and Window

Diary III


I dyed the apples red.

I dyed the butterflies black.

I dyed the sunshine golden.

I dyed the windows coloured.

You said you liked these colours, so brilliant.

I became colours.

I became red apples. I became black butterflies. I became golden sunshine.

I became everything you loved.

I became you.


January 2242. Heavy snow.

I was sitting in church, listening to the priest’s prayer.

The priest was wearing a cross necklace. Behind him was a large cross.

The coloured window was like a kaleidoscope, colourful and dazzling, the colours you like.

I found many, many crosses on there.

I walked towards the coloured window and I saw you.

The window shattered.

It became countless butterflies, black butterflies.

Ye’er, you’re here at last. I’ve been waiting for you for so long.

We listened to the priest’s prayer together.

You fell asleep.

A black butterfly flew in and stuck to a spider web.

After struggling for a while, it didn’t move.


September 3rd, 2241.

We took a walk by the river. You saw a large spider web with several butterflies stuck to it.

You destroyed the spider’s masterpiece, released the butterflies, and ran like a child through the light pink reeds, like a fish swimming in a sea of reeds. You turned your head to look at me every now and then, and your eyes were bent with a smile.

As the sun set, the cool breeze took away the brilliant sunlight, the whole world became dark red, and the comb-like reeds rose and fell around you. You were tired and I carried you on my back, walking slowly through the reeds.

You heard the call of crows and saw a wild duck lying on the ground. Injured, right?

Just as you poked it with a branch, you were startled.

It was dead.


Endless maggots were overflowing from its thin carcass.

Even the wind carried the stench of decay.


September 15th, 2241.

Gusts of wind blew through the alleys, with the fragrance of fruit.

The red cherries, red strawberries and red apples looked so fresh and lovely, with a thin morning mist.


Red roses.

Red sea.

We were in the sea of red, and I picked a red flower and gave it to you.

You smiled.

Remember the first time I gave you a flower?

It was a very ordinary little golden flower, and you smiled at that time, such a beautiful smile.

The wind whipped your dark hair, your white shirt flapped, and your lips slightly parted.


So beautiful, you said.


Red roses

Became blue.

Became black.

Black sea.


You lifted my head, and you said, Feng Hua, look at me.


You were laughing.

You were crying.

Don’t cry.


December 20th, 2241.

By your mouth was a black rose.

Your lips were cold, and you said, Feng Hua, don’t be afraid, don’t run away.

You became a black rose.


Black roses. Black butterflies.

I heard the sound of something shattering.


The glass had slipped from my hand, fallen to the floor and shattered.

My hand touched the sharp glass.

Qin Xihe prepared medicine for you, and you tilted your head up to drink them and said, So bitter.

Qin Xihe left, urging you to take your medicine on time.

You walked up to me and said with a frown, You’re bleeding?

I said, It’s nothing. The wound’s almost recovered. I just have to wipe the blood off.

You lifted my hand and put my finger into your mouth, so warm, so moist.

I traced your lips with blood.

I pressed you down on the sofa and kissed your lips.


When we kiss, you always like to look at me with half-asleep eyes.

I like your eyes.

Your eyelashes don’t curl, but they are long and soft enough.

The small mole next to your right eye always tempts me to kiss it.

I like to see your pupils gradually dilate and deepen, and then reflect my appearance…


I can always see a lot of colours in your eyes.

Black eyelashes, black pupils, black hair, black butterflies.

Red canthuses, red apples, red roses, red flames, red blood.

Golden sunlight, golden sunflowers, golden notebooks.

Ah, golden notebook.


That evening, you stood at the door with a golden silhouette.

You were holding an old-fashioned golden notebook with an intricate pattern.

You said that you intended to keep a diary on it.

An entirely different diary from before, a happy diary.


Every night, you wrote and wrote in your study.


The window of your study, just like that of the church, was coloured.

Intricate and wonderful patterns, symmetrical shapes, like the design in a kaleidoscope.

But both the coloured window and the kaleidoscope had the same shape.

That is, the cross.


I had a dream.

I dreamed of countless little people dancing on a cross. They danced for ten whole years, starting from December 20th.

But, in the end, the cross fell to the ground and shattered.

The little people shattered too.

Bang, bang, bang.

Splat, splat, splat.

Crash, crash, crash.


Bang, bang, bang.

Splat, splat, splat.

Crash, crash, crash.


Don’t! Don’t!





The cross split in two.

The whole world was torn in two.


There was a mirror in front of me and one behind me, and inside were endless tunnels.


Split into two pieces, split into four, eight pieces, countless pieces. Countless mirrors.

I stood amidst countless mirrors.


In the mirrors, I saw Qin Xihe.


In the mirrors, I saw the maid.


In the mirrors, I saw the priest.


In the mirrors, I saw our friends, our neighbours.


In the mirrors, I saw red apples, black butterflies, golden sunshine, golden notebooks.


I saw you.


—Feng Hua, Feng Hua, look carefully. Who are they? Who is he?



In every mirror, it’s all me.


It’s all me!


It’s all me!


Everything is all me!!


You are me.



—End of “The Door and Window” of Monster

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2 thoughts on “Chapter 28 – Door and Window”

  1. This chapter was way too deep, I can only feel the despair, lost, and love. I hope it all goes well at the end of the novel.


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