Chapter 26 – Fall

January 1st

—What would happen to you if I died?

—There is no if.

January 2nd

What would Feng Hua do when I die?

Feng Hua’s power is controlled by emotions. Extreme emotions will make his power explode. If he were to break down because of my death, it would be a terrible threat to all of humanity. And he wouldn’t be able to control himself at all. He would be completely taken over by the desire to destroy… At that point, no one would be able to kill him. He would become a terrible killing machine.

I can’t imagine it.

January 3rd

I like to sit in the courtyard to watch the sunrise and sunset, see the silhouette of the city, and look up at the tall astronomy tower. I always feel that, occasionally, I seem to hear subtle sounds coming from above—familiar and pleasant words of love.

Feng Hua said it was too cold and always made me watch from my room.

But the cold is also one of the things I want to experience.

Besides the cold, there’s warmth, coolness, boiling heat…

How many more sunrises and sunsets can I watch?

January 4th

I coughed up blood. Feng Hua cried.

I found that the room had large and small Feng Hua.

The immature Feng Hua, who hugged my leg with his face swollen with tears; the youthful Feng Hua, who sat on the sofa and looked at me with melancholy; the monster state Feng Hua, who roared and destroyed the kitchen; and the elegant, young Feng Hua, who stood quietly by my side, holding my hand gently, constantly taking care of me, and asking me: are you okay?

January 5th

The hospital is too responsible. It keeps calling me.

Now, everyone knows that I am seriously ill. Even the director has visited me several times and wants me to be hospitalised as soon as possible.

But they don’t know that if I’m hospitalised, I’ll spend the short rest of my life in hospital, with constant surgery and medication. I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life in pain.

January 6th

I dreamed that I was standing on the highest place in the world when I suddenly found that the whole world was burning and that all of humanity had become charred bodies. I woke up in the dream to Feng Hua holding me. Once again, he showed me open fields, broke through the clouds and took me to see the whole world. I thought of his dream. He had always said that he wanted to ride the air tour ship around the whole world with me.

January 7th

I proposed to Feng Hua to ride the air tour ship. He was very happy, very happy.

January 8th

My illness worsened.

January 10th

Countless nightmares, countless hallucinations, I can’t distinguish between reality and fantasy.

Countless times, I think about death. What a lovely word death is. Countless times, I want to cut open my skin and see the internal structure.

On the quiet night of January 21st, Feng Yeran propped himself up and looked at Feng Hua sleeping in the dim moonlight. He gently stroked his cheek with his cold fingers and traced his nose, his lips and his jaw.

Since he had added something to Feng Hua’s milk, Feng Hua wouldn’t wake up for the time being.

He traced Feng Hua’s neck attentively. In the drawer, there was a very sharp fruit knife.

Although he was now very weak, he still knew how to kill Feng Hua.

First, he would cut his artery with the knife, and then, inject him with a drug to inhibit cell growth. One night’s time was enough to kill him.

He got out of bed, opened the drawer, and took out the knife.

The blade was so sharp, glinting with a cold light.

Slowly, he placed the knife against Feng Hua’s white neck.

He seemed to be able to feel the pulsation of Feng Hua’s carotid artery.

This artery was connected to his beating heart. Feng Hua’s human body would instantly turn into a monster the moment he cut it. He would howl and struggle, and he would try hard to repair the wound, but when injected with a sufficient amount of the drug, his death would be irreversible.

But it was also possible he wouldn’t struggle at all.

Feng Hua had once said, You created me, and you’re entitled to kill me. It’s a kind of pleasure to be killed by you.

However, Feng Yeran hadn’t expected that he couldn’t do it at all.

The too many, too good and too heavy memories between the two almost suffocated him, and the knife fell to the ground.

Slowly, he found his coat, draped it over himself, put on his slippers, and walked out of the room as if sleepwalking.

It was cold with heavy snow drifting outside.

He walked through the streets, past the pedestrian streets still bustling in the middle of the night, the ethereal melody of music boxes from jewelry stores, the crying of babies from upstairs, the barking of dogs, and the midnight air train speeding by overhead.

Probably because he hadn’t been out for so long, the various colours had become fresh, like neon colours painted with oil pastels. A girl in high heels was smiling at him at the door of a bar, and he couldn’t help but smile as well.

After walking through the streets, he stepped into a wooded area.

The snow was thicker and there were fewer people here. He wasn’t cold.

It wasn’t because his senses were dulled; in fact, they were unusually sensitive.

In the roaring wind, he could hear the sound of branches snapping from the weight of the snow, the sound of snowflakes rustling as they fell down, and the subtle sound of squirrels scurrying through the trees.

The pitch-black sky was devoid of stars and moon, and the dark grey clouds which were gathered on it blended with each other in a rather beautiful velvet-like silhouette.

The further he walked, the more excited he became.

The hot air that gushed out of his lungs was white and seemed to quickly become clouds in the sky.

Amidst all kinds of subtle sounds, he heard music, music that came from nowhere, soft and bewitching. He heard someone calling out to him from somewhere, tenderly and eagerly.

He saw the clock tower.

He saw the tall astronomy tower behind the clock tower.

That was the astronomy tower he’d been gazing at every day recently. He knew how beautiful the starry sky that he’d once admired from it was.

His heart was pounding.

He walked into the astronomy tower and he went up the ladder to the top.

He walked in the night sky and watched the whole world snow, fluttering with heavy snow.

He found a door, which seemed to have been specially prepared for him.

So he opened the door with joy.

He stood at the top of the astronomy tower, the fierce wind whipping at his skin, his clothes and hair dancing about, and he wasn’t afraid.

Closing his eyes, he listened.

Listened to the sound of falling snowflakes.

Listened to the wind.

Listened to the breath of the whole city.

Sure enough, among these sounds, he heard a murmur.

Someone was looking at him and speaking to him. Ah, he could feel that person’s sight, familiar and affectionate.

He searched for him.

Then, he found him.

That person was standing at the bottom of the astronomy tower, 99 floors away from him.

He didn’t know why he could see so clearly, but he saw that person was Feng Hua.

He was looking at him from the bottom of the astronomy tower, smiling, his smile as bright and wonderful as the morning sun, lighting up the whole dark night in that instant.

He said, Ye’er, Ye’er.

He said, Come on, I’m here.

Feng Yeran was so surprised. He watched his Feng Hua slowly and extremely tenderly open his arms for him on the ground.

Without hesitation.

Feng Yeran leapt down.

Feng Hua’s heart throbbed with pain. The next moment, his body had disappeared from the bed.

He saw with his own eyes his Ye’er falling with extreme speed.

He had no time to react. His human shell burst apart and countless tentacles grew infinitely. It took all his strength to wrap around the man in the air and gently shield him as he brought him to the ground.

“Ye’er! Ye’er! Are you okay?!” Only half of Feng Hua’s face was human.

“…Feng… Hua…”

Feng Hua was going crazy, his eyes red. “What’s wrong with you… Why did you jump! Do you hate me that much and not want to be with me that much?! If I’d been a second late, you would’ve…”

“Feng Hua, it’s almost over.”


At such a moment, Feng Hua heard the sound of a bell, and even, faintly, sacred music.

Dong… dong…

Holy, yet heavy and terrible.

He began to have a headache again, and he seemed to finally begin to understand why he was so afraid of the sound of bells.

Feng Yeran looked at Feng Hua with a smile on his pale face. “Originally, I had forgotten… but… just now… when I jumped down… I… remembered…”

“What’re you talking about?!” Feng Hua’s voice was extremely nasal. God knew how much his heart hurt.

Feng Yeran raised his hand and it was immediately held in Feng Hua’s palm.


Feng Yeran’s voice was soft. “Feng Hua, why don’t you believe that I love you?”

“I believe it… I believe it!” Large drops of hot liquid fell on Feng Yeran’s face and neck.

“No… you don’t. The person who’s stopping me from loving you… isn’t that… you yourself?”

“Me? I…”


“Feng Hua… you’re such a… silly child… silly child… silly child… you clearly… know… I just want… you to be happy… hap…py…”



Feng Yeran’s body went heavy and his eyes closed.

Feng Hua’s ear pressed against Feng Yeran’s chest, trying to hear his heartbeat.

However, there was only dead silence, and a gradual coldness.

Feng Hua hugged Feng Yeran hard and opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

In fact, the whole world had lost sound.

Lost all colour.

Lost all movement.

This complex and sophisticated world, which was terribly large and advanced, suddenly stopped functioning, and even the snowflakes in the sky had stopped moving.

Feng Hua walked through the dark, dead silent world, holding a lovely child-like figure in his arms, sleeping peacefully.

The tall astronomy tower was like a child’s doodle.

The air tracks around the world were drawn in crayon.

The pedestrians on the streets were all paper figures.

Sean was drawn with an ink pen. He was squatting on the floor smoking.

Qin Xihe was sitting on a chair drinking tea, her paper body swaying slightly, her lips moving. Spring, summer, autumn, winter, the cycle repeats itself.

In front of Feng Hua, a soft little bed appeared.

Feng Hua gently put Feng Yeran on it, covered him with the blanket, leaned down and lightly kissed his forehead.

“Ye’er, have a good sleep,” he whispered. “Don’t worry, I won’t leave you. I won’t let all this end just like that.”

Then, he raised his index finger, and a flame appeared on it, like a red and blue eye.

Gently, he threw the flame out, far, far away.

In an instant, the whole world burst into flames.

The world, starting from the edges, was collapsing, destroying and being burned, but Feng Hua didn’t care.

The tall buildings turned to rubble, and the paper people danced amidst the flames.

Feng Hua sat on the floor, his back against the side of the bed. He held Feng Yeran’s cold hand in his, warming it with his lips and cheeks from time to time.

He gazed at the whole world raging with flames.

He finally knew why he always missed the feeling of being burned by fire when he knew full well how much it’d hurt. Why his Ye’er always complained to him and always saw burnt bodies. He had even joked with him and asked him, Do you know what you smelled like when you were just born? His Ye’er had smiled very happily at that time and said, You stunk. Mm, yes, let’s not talk about it, it was a rotten smell. Right, there was also a, um, burning smell… though I don’t understand at all why you smell so good now!

He laughed amidst the blaze.

He cried amidst the blaze.

Amidst the blaze, the white shadow flew towards him.

“Finally, the walls are built,” the white shadow said.

Feng Hua didn’t respond.

The white shadow floated by his side and said to him, “Now, you know, from beginning to end, you and your Ye’er are in a world you had copied and created from your memories. This world is called ‘Wall’. But, why is it a wall? It means that although it is huge and covers more than eight years of events, it is incomplete, narrow, and parts of it are even distorted. It is not absolutely true.”

The white shadow held his head. “Feng Hua, do you want to find the truth?”


“You need to build your house. Do you remember, in fact, the ‘wall’ is the second story. You’ve already built the first story ‘roof’. After that, you still need to build the ‘door and window’ and ‘chimney’. It’s just like when you were a child building blocks and squeezing playdough. Build the house bit by bit, form the parts into the whole, find that key… That way, this meaningless cycle can end and you can get the truth. “

“The truth?”

“Don’t you want to know what really happened between you? Why you created such worlds, why you burned yourself over and over again, his truest feelings for you, and the way to solve it…”

“…Nothing matters. I just want to be with him.”

“Feng Hua, I really don’t want to see you go on suffering again and again.”

The flames, like a flood, had come pouring in.

With fire reflected in his eyes, Feng Hua asked indifferently, “What’s it got to do with you what happens to me? Who are you?”

“Me?” The white shadow smiled in the light of the fire and gradually faded away. “I’m the one who will always be by your side, the one who will always protect you. You just have to remember that I will save you, and that’s enough.”

—End of “The Wall” of Monster

The author has something to say:

Seeing that the world is created or copied, you may think it’s similar to Psycho1Another novel by the author. It is partially translated as of now and can be found on Novel Updates., but, in fact, the structure of this text is more complex than that of Psycho. The preface of Monster is really important. Whether it’s squeezing playdough or building blocks, it’s the structure of this text.

After brewing 26 chapters, I finally wrote this chapter, and I’m very excited. There are many brewing points. For example, why this volume is called “The Wall”, why Feng Hua has stubbornly called Feng Yeran “Ye’er” since he was born, why Feng Hua is afraid of the sound of bells (the specific reason will be explained later), why Feng Yeran’s diary is called Diary II…

On the point of “burning”, I wonder if anyone noticed the sentence in the first chapter: “As soon as he entered the operating room, he smelled a strong stench of blood and decay, as well as a faint, burning smell.” Why was there a burning smell when nothing had been burned? Remember that Feng Hua once burned his own skin with fire, saw visions of the room burning, and thought the pain of being burned was familiar. Everyone surely remembers Feng Yeran’s continuous nightmares and visions. He always saw burnt corpses, so these are memories and omens.

This chapter has spelled out the structure, but there are still very important points that haven’t been said. Everyone is welcome to discuss.

PS, “The Wall” is the longest and most important part. In fact, I will write “The Roof” and the others very, very short.

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    Another novel by the author. It is partially translated as of now and can be found on Novel Updates.

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1 thought on “Chapter 26 – Fall”

  1. Just… the first 26 chapters and I had already cried a flood. YOU WANT ME TO SUFFER A FEW MORE SHORT TIMES WITH THIS WHAT ABOUT MY SWEET FENG HUA AND FENG YERAN—

    Jk, To be honest, I thought Feng Yeran’s end would be those omens about fire, an accident would happen relate to his being burnt alive, etc etc. I never thought he would die from falling. That’s a lot of information that came from the author, from now on I hope things would get clearer at every part of the “house” that Feng Hua is building.

    Thanks for the chapter!! What a ride, I’m ready for the next one!! XDD


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