Chapter 10 – Anger

It was midnight by the time Feng Yeran got home, with his face flushed and his body still burning. He still habitually sat at the coffee table to write in his diary. In this day and age, very few people used traditional diaries, but he still stubbornly wrote by hand. He liked to write down his life slowly, word by word, so that he could sort out his messy thoughts and calm himself down. It was a plain black leather diary, very thick, with an intricate classical pattern on the cover and gold lettering simply inscribed in the centre: Diary Ⅱ.

Before writing in his diary, he skimmed through what he’d written before, and his agitated mood calmed down a little.

October 9th

I met her today. I saw her alone for the first time in years. I was being interviewed on stage and she was standing in the crowd looking at me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable all over. After that, I was absent-minded and made several slips of the tongue. I rushed to find her after the interview, only to find that she had already left.

October 10th

Today, at the reunion, she was very enthusiastic—it was as if we had returned to the past. She sat next to me and kept speaking to me, talking to me about a lot of things that had happened. She talked about the debate competition in high school, but I didn’t remember it. She said that at that time, I was up there answering quickly and performing well, and had forgotten that I had actually done very badly in my first round. I was so nervous that what the other side said almost became wind in my ears. During the break, she bought me a bottle of water and said, “if you do well, we’ll go watch a movie tonight”, then she took out two movie tickets and waved them in front of my eyes. After that, all I could think about was the movie and my nervousness was gone. It was her who made me relaxed.

She didn’t know how much I liked her at that time. When we just started high school, I saw her in the queue, with a long ponytail tied up high, a casual white T-shirt and a black skirt. She seemed to be bouncing around all the time. She sat to the back right of me all through the first semester. She hated me at first, saying I was arrogant, overbearing, had low EQ and whatever, but later, we became desk mates. She gradually changed her mind about me. Sometimes, when I touched her arm just a little, she blushed and very cutely drew a line in the middle of the desk… After the end of the second semester, she kissed me by the bonfire then ran away. I confessed to her in front of everyone and we started dating that night. I dated her for a year and a half and it was the happiest time of my life. At that time, I was convinced that my other half was definitely her, and planned to marry her right after graduating from university. As long as I had her, I didn’t care about whatever happened at home.

But—

In my third year, I came home just in time to see her come out of Feng Boran’s room, with dishevelled clothes and hickeys on her body. She said she had been dating Feng Boran for a year. She had been dating me for a year and a half since that bonfire party. She said she was dating me just because she liked Feng Boran. She offered to break up.

I broke up with her.

On February 5th, Mum died.

I failed the college entrance examination.

…Why did she still show up in front of me? Why was she so enthusiastic? But I’m really hopeless, aren’t I?! When I heard her say that she was now free and could choose which man to be with, I selectively forgot all my displeasure and, just like a brat, wanted to have her immediately without regard for the consequences.

The two of us ran through the busy streets. It took all my willpower to not take her to a hotel. Later, I drove her home and it happened to rain. She kissed me in the car, then ran into the villa with her high heels. I was dazed in the car and didn’t drive home until midnight.

All I could think about was her.

October 19th

I took her to a party and put a mask on for her to prevent her from being recognised by the media—this is an agreement she had made. She said not to expose our relationship. After all, she is Feng Boran’s wife. If everyone knew that Feng Boran’s younger brother, Feng Yeran, was entangling with his sister-in-law, I don’t know what kind of uproar it would cause. I agreed.

She was so beautiful today. I just couldn’t resist pulling her off the dance floor and kissing her.

But I kept getting a strange feeling—I felt like someone was staring at us. Were they the paparazzi? Were they filming us? I’ve actually had that feeling since many days ago. I checked several times, and even sent someone to investigate, but got nothing. There’s no one on the internet associating me with Chen Xuan either. It’s really strange.

October 20th

This morning, Chen Xuan said that she had a project she wanted to work on with me. She said she wanted to make a documentary with Feng Hua as the main character, filming his life, his supernormal powers, experiments on him and so on. She really hasn’t changed. She has wanted to be a director since high school.

I will take her to meet Feng Hua some day. This child Feng Hua is afraid of strangers. If we really are to make a documentary, we would have to get his consent.

* * *

On October 22nd, Feng Yeran had a stomachache again. He went to see Feng Hua.

However, today’s Feng Hua wasn’t quite right. After he’d treated Feng Yeran as quickly as possible, he sat on the swing and didn’t talk much. There was a thick darkness underneath his eyes.

“Feng Hua, did you not sleep well?” Feng Yeran asked.

Feng Hua didn’t speak, which was a tacit admission.

Feng Yeran walked towards him with some worry. “Why aren’t you talking again? Are you in a bad mood? Because I haven’t come to you for a few days? You know you’re in confinement, and I can’t come every day… Okay, okay, don’t be angry. Is it not enough for me to apologise?”

As Feng Yeran said that, he habitually wanted to hug Feng Hua.

But Feng Hua immediately avoided him, as if to dodge something dirty.

“It’s filthy,” he said.

Feng Yeran was amused. “You child, I shower every day and change my clothes very often. I’m not like you. Look at how messy your doghouse is!”

However, Feng Hua didn’t even laugh right away as he did before. It seemed that he’d been holding back for a long time. Feng Yeran could hardly forget such an expression on his face, with his brows furrowed, his eyes filled with contempt and anger…

Feng Yeran was a little embarrassed. He quickly sniffed his clothes and said, “Is that why you always make me take a shower every time I come to you these days? Are you too sensitive to smell? I really don’t smell anything.”

“Where were you last night?” Feng Hua suddenly asked.

Feng Yeran opened his mouth and blurted out almost unconsciously, “At home. What’s the matter?”

Feng Hua didn’t say anything more.

“Ah, I never thought I’d raise a little clean freak. I’m going to take a shower.”

Feng Yeran had to go take a shower. When he came out, he found that Feng Hua had already fallen asleep on his small bed. He was curled up on the bed, breathing evenly, and his tender and round outline from before became clearer.

Feng Yeran covered him with the blanket, dimmed the lights in the room, and looked around.

His room was really messy. It was obvious it hadn’t been tidied up for a long time. Feng Yeran looked at the time and saw that it wasn’t too late. He planned to clean it up for him. It wasn’t long before he found that Feng Hua’s art was everywhere, with sketches, watercolour, and some unstructured, messy drawings.

Feng Hua didn’t let Feng Yeran look at his art before. Feng Yeran was very curious!

He picked up a few of them to look at, and found that Feng Hua’s drawing style was changeable. Some were quite childish, while others were just like works drawn by university students majoring in art. The childish drawings were very simple and monochromatic, like messy thick red lines, circles of black, a strange little person (with messy red lines on his head), two little people looking at each other, and so on. Feng Yeran frowned as he pondered the significance of these drawings, then thought that the cartoons he’d shown him recently might have had some effect on him. Then, he started to look at several high-level landscape drawings. One was a street view, and one was a mountain forest. The street drawing was coloured and very beautiful, and the scenery gave him a rather familiar feeling. After looking at it for some time, he even knew what place Feng Hua was drawing, but immediately, he had a strange feeling. His heart gradually beating faster, Feng Yeran knelt down and continued to look. He saw a drawing of a tombstone, and a very hazy, black-haired man lying on a bed, the same man that seemed to be in those landscape drawings—

“What are you doing?”

An icy voice came from behind, interrupting Feng Yeran’s movements.

Feng Yeran got goosebumps at that moment.

He turned his head and saw Feng Hua sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at him, backlit, his eyes shrouded in the darkness.

He unexpectedly failed to recognise that it was Feng Hua’s voice. Feng Hua’s voice was no longer as soft as it used to be, but a cool, emotionless teenage voice.

Feng Yeran realised that he had looked at his drawings without permission and felt a little guilty, and a little bit scared—it made no sense at all, but at that moment, he remembered what his friend had said in the bar. She said that Feng Hua’s eyes were a little terrifying.

Feng Yeran smiled, as if his own smile could soon infect Feng Hua and make this frozen atmosphere cheerful. “Feng Hua, you’re so productive, and you draw so well! Did you draw them all this month?”

“…Yeah.”

“What are you drawing? Why does it feel…” so familiar to me? Feng Yeran didn’t speak out the whole sentence. That sense of dissonance had come back, cool, like a cold-blooded animal climbing up his back. But he couldn’t put a name to that feeling, and he didn’t know what he was doubting.

“Random stuff.”

The overly perfunctory answer annoyed Feng Yeran, because he had expected his cute Feng Hua would explain for a long time.

Feng Yeran persistently picked up the drawings on the ground and pointed to them. “The person you drew is me, right? The outline is quite similar to me. What about the view of this street? Where did you see it? I don’t remember taking you there. You—”

The cold-blooded animal on his back seemed to be grinning ferociously, climbing faster and faster, about to ignite some kind of emotion almost immediately. Before Feng Yeran could finish, the paper in his hand disappeared into thin air, and all the pictures in the room dissolved into pieces in an instant, rushing into the air and then cascading down without a trace.

Feng Yeran was angry. His Feng Hua had never been so disobedient to him.

He stood up and scolded, “Feng Hua, I don’t remember teaching you to do such impolite things. Nor have I taught you—this way of hiding secrets by destroying things! If you’re not willing to tell me, refuse me and tell me the reason you refuse. If you don’t want me to see your drawings, put them away. Don’t throw them around waiting for me to clean them up for you, and then not let me ask a single word about them. And what’s the point of you destroying them? Not to mention the price of the paper and paint, what about the time and effort you spent on your drawings? Are those worthless?”

Feng Hua’s face was devoid of guilt. He gently turned over the thick stack of pictures that had appeared out of thin air in his hands, and the papers collided, making a cascading sound. He slowly said, “Don’t worry, Ye’er. I didn’t destroy them. You see, I just put them away.”

He actually played me.

Feng Yeran was very angry. He felt that this child was becoming more and more strange to him these days, and he could hardly bear the sense of disparity.

He restrained his anger for a moment, then said faintly, “I’m going back.”

With that, he went to the iron door.

But the iron door couldn’t open at all.

“Old—”

Before he could finish Old Zhang, he felt a cold breath spread on the back of his neck. “Before, whenever you came over, you wouldn’t go back that night.”

Feng Yeran understood what he meant. Indeed, the first few times Feng Yeran had come over, he had, of course, squeezed into the small bed to sleep with Feng Hua.

“But I want to go back today. You’ve made me angry.”

“But… I’m angry too.”

Feng Yeran frowned. “What are you angry about?”

“I’m angry… You taught me not to lie to people. But, you lied to me.”

Feng Yeran couldn’t understand what he was saying. “Where did I lie to you?!”

“You weren’t at home last night. You were with that woman, in the hotel.”

Feng Yeran immediately turned around and was surprised to find that Feng Hua had grown taller again. The top of Feng Hua’s head now reached the tip of his nose. But this wasn’t the time to admire his growth speed. Feng Yeran looked awkwardly at Feng Hua’s eyes and averted his gaze almost immediately. He felt his face turn red and was a little chagrined. “How did you know?”

“You reek of that woman.”

“Don’t always talk about that woman. It’s very impolite… But I had a shower when I left the hotel. You dog nose. Okay, okay, I admit it. I was too embarrassed to tell you just now. After all, you’re still young…”

“Are you going to see that woman again if you leave now?”

“It’s not like I can see her every day. We’re all busy…”

“Stay here! Don’t go see her!”

Feng Yeran was stunned, and then joked with a smile, “But some naughty boy made me angry today. I might not be able to resist beating him if I stay with him!”

Feng Hua took his joke seriously. However, he was not only unafraid, but also looked as if he’d seen hope. He hugged Feng Yeran tightly and mumbled, “Ye’er, beat me! Hit me! But don’t leave, don’t go to that woman… don’t go… don’t go to her…”

He hugged him dead tight, so tight that Feng Yeran felt pain. Feng Yeran was about to complain when he felt that Feng Hua’s voice was a little off, muffled and trailing off strangely. He lowered his head and found the guy hugging him tightly, his ears completely red. He touched his cheek, and the little guy dodged quickly, but the tears on his face were still touched by Feng Yeran.

He was instantly confused. “Eh? Feng Hua? It doesn’t make sense. It’s clearly your fault today. Why are you crying!”

Feng Yeran hugged Feng Hua and comforted him for a long time. He tried to tell some jokes like coaxing a child, and also tickled him as he did when Feng Hua was younger. Feng Hua finally calmed down a bit and showed a smile again.

Suddenly, Feng Yeran’s phone rang.

Before even looking at the phone number, he pressed the answer button, and a female voice came through. “Yeran, where are you? I’m downstairs…”

Before Feng Yeran could say anything, the phone was snatched away and slammed to the ground!

Before he could get angry, he felt a dull pain in his back as Feng Hua pressed him violently against the iron door. Feng Hua’s eyes narrowed slightly, a red glint burning in them, full of danger.

Feng Yeran smelt another scent, the scent of Feng Hua’s body—a cold, yet aggressive scent, more intense than ever before.

At that moment, Feng Yeran stared at the strange Feng Hua with wide eyes, and an inexplicable dizziness mixed with suffocation swelled wildly inside his body. He seemed to see the objects around him trembling, and even the air was distorted, with a terrible force controlling the space; like countless eyes, countless hands, they were attacking Feng Yeran, trying to control his everything, his body, his skin, his every cell!

“I didn’t make an appointment with her, it was her own—” He almost blurted out this sentence.

However, a sharp pain made him unable to finish it, because the next moment, Feng Hua tore off his collar, buried his head, and bit him on the clavicle—

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8 thoughts on “Chapter 10 – Anger”

  1. A wild theory: the woman and the photographer are working together. They know Feng Hua likes Feng Yeran and they are trying to anger Feng Hua and making him lose control to injure Feng Yeran or something else, but they are working together for sure.

    Thanks for the chapter!

    Reply
  2. FYR talking about the woman: bark bark grrrr bark bark
    FH: bARK BARK GRRRR RARWRRWRARA

    they’re both dogs Ig ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    thank you for the chapter!

    Reply
  3. “Look at how messy your doghouse is!”

    … That’s it. I hate that guy.

    Not only is he completely stupid, letting himself being fooled by that woman who obviously just wants to get closer to him to take advantage of Huahua for her husband’s sake. But. He. Freaking. Dare. To. Say. That.

    The amount of Schadenfreude I’ll get when his little perfect world tears apart isn’t even measureable at this point and we aren’t even that deep into the story, so I should actually congratulate him for achieving that 🙂

    Reply
  4. WELL – guess who deserves to be in the dog house and studied like some animal? YOU! Because the monster here isn’t our HuaHua – its YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply

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