Chapter 25 – The Greatest Sorrow

Editor: mako

Proofreader: jlycen

After spending several consecutive days in my father’s ward, I was finally forced to go home by Meng SiQi in the morning.

“You should go back, take a bath, and have a good rest. Your body will not be able to bear this.” He also reassured me, “Nothing will happen to your father.”

Father was gradually losing his state of mind. Whenever he sleeps for a long time, he must hold onto a hand, or he would wake up in panic and grief. So, for all these nights, I would hold his hand, often falling asleep by the bed.

The nurse that Lu QingFan employed was a careful and capable girl. She once praised me, “You really treat your father well. Many say that in front of a person’s sickbed, one would rarely see such filial piety from their children. Nowadays, there are few who are like you in society.”

However, when I heard such words, I only felt guilty.

I had once abandoned my father with his declining health. Ever since we separated, it had been four years that I was not with him.

In the end, I was still unable to bring comfort to this old man who appeared cold on the surface but felt lonely in his heart.

I could only use both of my hands to pass as my mother’s. To allow him to go back to that day many years ago, where he could finally hold onto her hands among the chaotic crowd.

And to not let go anymore.

 

Father’s attending doctor also informed Lu QingFan and me to prepare ourselves.

 

Once I returned to the apartment, the first thing I did was lie down on the sofa and closed my eyes. For a long time, I didn’t want to move.

However, I eventually got up slowly and dragged my feet into the bathroom. After taking off my clothes, I stood under the shower and washed myself up. As I had stayed in the hospital for a long time, the smell of disinfectant was stuck onto my skin, as if my whole body had been bleached.

After washing up, the doorbell rang before I could dry my hair. I had no choice but to put on a pair of jeans and run out of the bathroom with a towel on my head.

As soon as I opened the door, I regretted not checking who it was first. With a black expression on his face, the person was He Li.

Subconsciously, I tried to close the door, but he stopped me and stepped through the door, officially invading into my space. Faced with no choice, I could only sit across from him in the living room.

Not in the mood to dry my hair, I casually put on a top while my hair continued to drip with water.

“For a long time now, I’ve already sent Lin Ming away, and your goal has been achieved. You should stop. Don’t go too far.”

He actually said that to me.

For a moment, with the way the situation was progressing, it felt as if I would be meeting my end faster than my father. However, since I was already sitting down with him, I decided to make it clear to him today.

When I made up my mind to leave him, it was not a decision made in the spur of the moment, let alone a game of playing hard to get.

“Or do you think that with Lu QingFan, Meng SiQi, and Qiao Lang around, there will be nothing to worry about?” He sneered, “JiYu, you are still so greedy, wanting so much. You will face the consequences one day.”

I replied, “He Li, whoever I chose to be with has nothing to do with you.” 

“You belong to me. Do you think I’ll continue to leave you unchecked?” His face hardened. “My patience is limited, and I can’t tolerate this forever.”

“I belong to myself and never to you.”

I looked him in the eye firmly as I remained uncowed.

Finally, unable to maintain his calm, He Li warned me, “Whether it’s Lu QingFan or Meng SiQi, they are no different from me. What you get from them may not be more than what I could provide. You should understand that only I can indulge your greed.”

To that, I shook my head. “He Li, it’s you who don’t understand.”

How can I still be greedy? My heart was already gapping with wounds, and it had been crushed into pieces by you mercilessly.

At the very beginning, I had naively thought that I could receive comfort from this person.

 

I then told him, “I’m just a patient that Dr. Meng took in out of goodwill. There’s no dirty dealing between us as you thought.” 

“Patient? Do you think that I’m unaware that Meng SiQi belongs to the oncology department? Are you going to tell me that you have cancer? ” He Li sneered, “JiYu, there’s no need for you to use such a shoddy reason to gain my sympathy.”

My heart retracted in my chest, and for a moment, it was like an invisible hand had clenched around my heart. I was in such pain that I couldn’t say a word.

Since quite early on, I knew that he would make such an assumption. However, hearing such words in reality still caused me to feel pain that I couldn’t restrain. In the end, I could only grit my teeth as I gazed at him.

Assuming that I was made speechless, He Li laughed lightly, leaned back to the sofa, and said elegantly, “Fine, even if you have nothing going on with Meng SiQi, how are you going to explain Lu QingFan? Are you going to say that he’s actually a friend that was also a patient, and you two know each other because of Meng SiQi?”

Every word that He Li spoke contained irony and sarcasm, forcing me into a corner.

Despite that, my heart was calm. I had felt too much pain and did not feel pain anymore.

Finally deciding to lay down all my cards, I told him, “Lu QingFan is my older brother.”

“Ha.” He Li looked at me as if I was being funny. “You are Lu QingFan’s younger brother? As far as I know, he is the adopted son of the Pei family. He only has one younger brother studying in England, and he is 26 years old this year——”

He suddenly stopped and looked at me in disbelief.

“That’s me.” I continued, “It’s just that I’m not studying in England anymore, and I stayed with you instead.”

For thirty seconds, He Li’s face underwent a constant change of expressions. In the end, he laughed at himself and said, “Ha, it turns out you are the Pei family’s young master, Pei JiYu, Pei JiYu——”

Suddenly, he swept the cups on the glass tea table to the ground. There was an ear-piercing splintering sound as small shards spread out during the breakage. Nonetheless, I sat in the same place and didn’t move. Neither did I hide or avoid them.

He asked me angrily, as if the one who was hurt was him, “You deceived me by pretending to be a poor and miserable nightclub waiter. You then looked on as I acted like a clown with wishful thinking. In actuality, I was just something you played with when you were bored, and now you’ve had enough of it?” 

From the start to the end, I was the one who lied to him.

It was my fault.

I didn’t have any energy to refute his remarks.

I asked him while laughing bitterly, “Yes, I’ve already had enough fun. Can you leave now?” 

 

When He Li left, he said to me, “Pei JiYu, this is not the end of us. One day, I will make you return to my side.”

One day; which day would it be? Whether Pei JiYu will still be alive at that time was unknown.

As I sat dazedly in the living room alone, I suddenly felt wetness on both sides of my cheeks. To cry unconsciously after this, I just felt ashamed. I then raised my hand and wiped my eyes. However, unexpectedly, there was nothing.

In fact, I actually didn’t cry. It was just the water coming from my wet hair.

I would not feel pain because of him anymore.

 

Did this mean that I had finally given up on him?

The greatest sorrow was to give up on someone. If one day, there was no longer even sorrow, then it could only be that my heart had fully given up on him.

 

Serendipity

Could be found lurking around BL novels. Currently translating 法医穿越记事 (Forensic Traversing Notes) and 人人都爱裴即玉 (Everyone Loves Pei JiYu).

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